


Desolate Melody

by Bobo_is_tha_Bomb



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Lemon, Lime, Mentionings of rape, Reader Insert, Romance, Sexual Content, Torture, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-11-26 02:57:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 29,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20923046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobo_is_tha_Bomb/pseuds/Bobo_is_tha_Bomb
Summary: You have been broken. And even he can't fix you. So what are you to do? WufeixSally, WufeixReader





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in response to the New Leaf challenge on Lunaescence. It’s one of my darkest stories ever and mentions rape. Please keep this in mind when reading it!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing, its characters, or you.

**Desolate Melody**

_Life feels empty, my love  
It pains me so to give you up_

_~ Epica, Twin Flames_

You jolt up when the cell door opens, crawling back into the shadows the corners provide. Your narrowed gaze takes in the silhouettes in the doorway, two large, burly men holding a slumped body. You do your best to keep your expression neutral, but fear claws at your throat. 

“We’ll come back for you later, Hot Stuff!” One of the men says with a leer in your direction. 

You fight to keep from shivering as the other laughs at the remark. They throw the slumped body into the cell and close the door. When you hear the lock click in place you scramble forward. 

“Wufei!” You try to keep your voice under control as you wrap your arms around his torso and pull him upright. 

His hair and face are wet, his breathing uneven, and he can barely contain a sound of pain when you force him to move back with you to the back of the cell, the wall farthest away from the door. He manages to get his feet to cooperate and pushes them against the ground to shove his weight along. Biting back a cry at the searing pain in your thighs, you collapse against the wall with him sitting between your legs, his back against your front. Ignoring the sticky feeling of blood between your thighs, you hold him tightly; glad to know he is alive and conscious. 

“What did they do?” you ask when he leans his head back against your shoulder.

His chest is heaving with his breathing and he coughs, hunching forward until he manages to get his breathing under control. “Waterboarding.”

You swallow thickly and hold him, resting a cheek against his slumped shoulder. You don’t say you’re sorry. It’s of no use. You know that in a few hours the men will come back and drag one of you out. It’s a never ending cycle that has become your life for the past two weeks. 

“I think they broke a rib,” he murmurs, while slowly relaxing back into your arms. 

“Left or right side?” you ask.

You carefully pull up his shirt. The fabric is dirty and heavy from sweat, blood, and water, and it sticks to his skin. Cuts and bruises cover his body, some fresh and nearly black, others are showing signs of fading. You know they’ll be covered with more bruises soon. The worst is the burn mark from the flat side of a knife across his stomach. The wound looks ugly and you fear it’s getting infected.

You slide your fingers along his sides carefully, feeling the bumps of his ribs underneath his skin. He arches away from your prodding fingers and grits his teeth when you encounter the fracture on his right side. By the feel of it, the bone isn’t shattered, but it’s giving him a lot of pain. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, while lowering his shirt down again. 

You close your eyes and hold him, praying that this predicament will end before the men will come back to get you. Every time they drag you out, you are sure you won’t be able to survive another round of beating, torture, or… You sob into Wufei’s shoulder and pray the nausea won’t worsen. You’re not sure if you’ll be fast enough to reach the toilet in the corner. 

“Shh…” Wufei brings up a hand and reaches back to cradle your head. 

His touch calms you. His is the only touch that won’t hurt you here in this place. You had come to rely on him to get through the days in the cell, had come to rely on him to keep you sane after each torture session that ended. You had lost any feeling of time. In the beginning, you had tried to keep up a day and night rhythm, but the bastards keeping you here like to wake you up in the middle of the night, dragging you out by your hair for what they deem fun. The time in the cell passes by in darkness. The only light that filters into the room comes from the hallway, falling into the cell through some iron bars above the door. 

The bunker had been abandoned after the war, so all the furniture had been taken away, leaving you only with a toilet and a sink in the corner that, thankfully, still work. There are no beds, no mattresses. You spend the time lying or sitting on the cold, hard floor, sharing body heat. You barely get any sleep. When you sleep, the nightmares creep up on you, so Wufei usually has to wake you up. Your body is weakened by the lack of sleep, the lack of food. But even so, you know that Wufei´s body is in a worse state than yours. They consider him the danger. He is the stronger one out of the two of you, so they made a point of starving him the first week, making sure he was too weak to fight back. And that was the point when they had started targeting you. They figured that Wufei felt protective of you, and knew he would feel responsible if anything happened to you. They hoped he would crack and spill information if they beat you. 

Your training kept you from telling and you had sworn to each other in the darkness of the cell that neither of you would break. You both had kept silent, even during the joined torture sessions, when you had been forced to watch them beat Wufei endlessly, watched how they had held a white hot knife to his skin. Even when the leader of the terrorists had gotten fed up with your silence and had dragged you by your hair to the desk and had made Wufei watch as he cut loose your cargo pants and had made you bend over the desk. 

That had been a moment where you had been absolutely sure it would be the breaking point for your partner. And so you had pleaded him with your eyes not to say anything. You had held the eye contact the entire time. Wufei had tried to stop it, throwing off the men holding him down and charging at your attacker. He hadn’t gotten very far. The men had beaten him with such brutality you had feared for his life. 

It wasn’t until they had thrown you back into the cell that you had broken down. You had sobbed and wailed, knowing you would forever feel dirty and violated. Wufei had held you, whispering calming words in your ear. You had felt utterly broken and it was through sheer will and determination that you had managed to calm down. Sheer will and determination that had kept you from showing your captors how deep the pain and humiliation ran. Sheer will and determination that had kept your mind clear, or else you would have gone insane. You aren’t sure if surviving this predicament would be a good thing. You feel so fragile and tainted, and you wonder if you will ever be normal again. 

And Wufei… he feels so guilty and powerless. He is just as much a victim as you were. He would always have to live with the knowledge that you had been raped under his watch, and he had not been able to do anything to stop it.

After the rape, the beatings have become harsher, more cruel. There are more bruises and burns on your body than you can count. Today they had dragged Wufei out again, and now they had started breaking bones. Your stomach turns at the thought of what they could possibly have in store for you.

“You can sleep,” you tell him softly. 

“You won’t mind?” he asks.

“No,” you murmur. 

He moves, very carefully, and maneuvers himself until he is lying down on his good side, with his back to the door. He always sleeps between you and the door, a protective barrier, although he can’t do much. The terrorists have guns and knives, yours have been stripped away. Attacking them without weapons is useless because your bodies lack the strength. But even so, Wufei insists on protecting you. It makes you feel a little safer. 

When he is as comfortable as he can get, you lie down beside him and snuggle up against him. He wraps his arm around you, holding you close. It makes you feel a little guilty, knowing that he’s got someone waiting back home. But in this situation all the barriers are stripped away. In the darkness of the cell, he had become your steady center. You know that, if you managed to get out alive, that bond can never be broken. You will always be bound to him by what had happened. 

You reach up and touch his cheek. Even in the dim light you can see that his skin is nearly black with bruises. “They really got you this time, didn’t they?”

He grunts, but doesn’t open his eyes. You snuggle into his chest, seeking his warmth to keep your sore body from cramping up. You have just a few hours until they come back for you. Every time when they take one of you out, you fear it’s the last time you will see Wufei. You close your eyes, but sleep won’t come. Instead, you just lie listening to his breathing and the other sounds around you. There is always noise in the bunker. Down the hallway, someone is playing music, some loud, gritty rock that makes your head pound. You hear footsteps and tense up. Next to you, Wufei shifts. He is aware too. The footsteps pass by the door and you breathe a sigh of relief. They’re not coming for you yet. 

Wufei’s hand slips into your hair and he tucks your head under his chin. “They won’t be here for a while yet.”

You bite down on your bottom lip. “I’m scared.”

He swallows thickly and tightens his grip on you. “They won’t kill us without having any information. As long as we’re alive they have the power to negotiate.”

“I know…” you whisper.

“And besides…” He cups your cheeks and makes you look at him. “You’re not gonna leave me here all by myself, right?”

That thought alone nearly breaks your heart. The idea that you might die and leave him to the mercy of your captors… you just couldn’t stand it. You gaze up at him and see the reassurance in his eyes. Even in times like this his belief in you is unwavering. You know he admires your strong will and he is fueling it with his trust. You need it to get through this. You reach up and curl your fingers around his wrist. It feels rather intimate to touch him like this, but not wrong. Nothing is wrong about seeking reassurance and human contact while being kept prisoner in such bad conditions. 

You shift and press your forehead against his. “Your trust in me still baffles me.”

His lips twitch, but he doesn’t smile. Instead he shifts and presses a kiss against your forehead. The gesture makes you tremble. Not with fear. You’d never fear Wufei. But the gesture is so kind, so gentle. You can’t help but enjoy it, crave it even. With each day that passes, you feel more connected to him. And it confuses you greatly. You don’t allow yourself to think about what it might mean. All your focus is on survival and getting out of this hellhole alive. But you are uncomfortably aware that your platonic feelings for him have changed into something different. 

_It’s because he is the only one who doesn’t hurt you here,_ you tell yourself. But no matter how much you try, you can’t seem to put a stop to it. 

“I chose a strong partner,” he says, sounding a little proud. 

You give him a small smile. You continue to stare at him until your eyes start to feel heavy. You drift off, knowing that when you wake up it will be your turn to be dragged out of the cell. 

-x-x-x-

You jolt awake when the lock on the cell door clicks off. You hear the men in the hallway, laughing arrogantly. You know you have to move quickly. You can’t risk them attacking Wufei while he is in such a state. Wufei is awake too but he is holding on to you tightly, not letting go yet. 

“I have to move,” you tell him.

“Not yet,” he says. 

“Wufei…” You meet his gaze and freeze.

He is obviously in a lot of pain and not thinking clearly. It becomes even clearer when he pulls you closer. Before you can blink, he presses his lips against yours. The contact is brief and he pulls back before you can react. 

“Come back to me,” he urges.

“I promise,” you whisper.

He lets you go and you quickly scramble up. Your cargo pants scrape your painful thighs, the dried blood on the fabric not helping matters. You move closer to the door, and hear Wufei shifting into the shadows behind you. The door swings open and you feel sick to your stomach when you see the leader standing in the door opening. It would have been easier if it had been one of the others. They would beat you and hurt you, but they weren’t interested in anything else. 

He gives you a leering smile and mentions you over with the gun in his hand. “Come here.”

You swallow thickly. Normally you don’t move, provoke the men into stepping into the cell, but now you won’t risk it. Wufei’s breathing is shallow and quick in the corner, and you know you have to move before one of them decides to come in. 

When you take the first step, the men start laughing.

“She wants it!” one of them calls out. 

The leader grins. “Come here, my sweet.”

A shudder of disgust runs down your spine. You reach him and he is quick to grab your hair, yanking you closer. The whimper nearly escapes you, but you manage to hold it in. Your hair has been grabbed and yanked so often the past few days that your scalp has become painful and extremely sensitive. But you endure, because you need to keep them focused on you. 

You’re dragged out and the door is slammed shut and locked once more. You’re knocked around between the men as they drag you down the hallway to the room that they keep for their torture sessions. You swallow thickly when the leader grabs you and hauls you into the room. The other men don’t enter and close the door behind you. 

Your heart starts beating wildly when you realize that you’re alone with him. That can only mean one thing. And you’re determined to put up as much fight as you can muster. Wufei is counting on you to return to the cell, so you have to stay strong.

“I am becoming very annoyed with the two of you,” the man says, while circling around you. “It seems that, no matter how hard we beat you, we won’t get any information.”

You remain silent and direct your stony glare at the wall in front of you. 

The sudden slap to the back of your head nearly makes you lose your balance. “Answer me, bitch!”

You find your footing and straighten, staring ahead again. You won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing your pain. Pain and fear empower him. 

He glares at you. “So impassive. I’ll beat that out of you.”

You brace yourself for the first punch, and endure each one he throws at you. You’re knocked to the ground more times than you can count and you taste blood in your mouth. Your nose is bleeding too, and your thighs are in agony. The cigarette burns are bleeding again. The man grabs your hair again and yanks you back to your feet. His intend is clear when he starts pulling you over to the desk. And that is when you can’t remain impassive anymore. You start fighting him, but that only makes him laugh. You’re so weak you can barely throw a decent punch. Your nails claw at his hands and arms, but he doesn’t seem to feel anything. He drags you, kicking and screaming, to the hard, splintering wood. 

_Oh God, no… _

You can’t go through this a second time. Not when Wufei is not there to keep you grounded. You scream when he slams you face down onto the desk. You feel tears burning in your eyes, strong will be damned. You can’t… 

With one hand, he keeps you pushed against the desk, while the other cups your ass. “I’ll fucking make you talk, bitch. I’ll keep you here for days if I have to.”

You retch, your body convulsing, but there is nothing in your stomach to throw up. It makes the sick bastard laugh. 

“I think I’m close to breaking you.”

You feel how he grabs the waistband of your pants and the fabric gives way beneath his force. He is fumbling with his own pants. Your breathing is labored with panic, your mind close to shutting down. You can’t survive this. 

A wave of nausea washes over you when you feel him position himself. _No… no, please, no…_ You don’t plead out loud. But in your mind you’re screaming. The tears are streaming down your face and your body is frozen. You can’t stop him. You’re too weak. _Wufei, I’m sorry…_

The door flies open. You barely have time to register what’s happening, before the dull thud of a gun with a silencer breaks through the stunned silence that has fallen over the room. You gaze wide eyed at the door opening, where Heero Yuy stands in full Preventer uniform. Wufei is behind him, holding a gun of his own, but he is not pointing it at anyone. His horrified gaze is focused on you. You can feel the man behind you convulse with the impact of the bullet. The next moment he collapses forward, on top of you. 

Your mind clicks and you start screaming. Heero is by your side quickly, prying the dead man’s weight away from you. You’re incoherent, barely register that he is pulling up your pants. He pulls you off the desk. Wufei is there to catch you and you collapse into his arms, a grunt escaping him as your sudden weight in his arms jars his ribs.

“Shhh…” He buries his face in your hair. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

You sob into his shoulder, holding onto him tightly. 

Heero secures the door, while talking into his earpiece. When he bolts the door, you suddenly realize you’re not completely safe yet. Heero had gone in first, securing you and Wufei and freeing the way for the rest of the Preventer team to come in. Soon the bunker is filled with the sounds of gunfire, dead bodies hitting the ground and the nearly inhumane screams of the dying. You huddle in Wufei’s arms, trying to calm your erratic breathing. You are shaking so badly that your knees give out beneath you. Wufei grunts in pain when your full weight comes to rest on him. He staggers and together you slip down to the floor. 

He cups your cheeks and makes you look at him, wiping away the blood from your face. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yes… He-he didn’t…”

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against your shoulder. He breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank God…”

You wrap your arms around him and hold him. You need the comfort, you need his closeness. Heero stays by the door and watches you in silence. 

All of a sudden the gunshots fade and the bunker is left in a deadly silence. A little while later, running footsteps approach the door. You tense up when Heero opens the door. The team of Preventer Agent pours into the room. 

“Jesus Christ.” It’s Duo Maxwell. He is quick to move forward. “Let’s get them out of here.”

He is quick to lift you out of Wufei’s arms, and Heero helps Wufei up from the floor. 

“This okay?” Duo asks, as he carries you out of the room. 

You turn your face into his shoulder to avoid looking at the bodies that litter the floors. “Yeah.”

Over Duo’s shoulder, your gaze meets Wufei’s. He gives you a small encouraging smile as he stumbles along under Heero’s support. Heero’s face is set in grim lines. It’s obvious he is angry.

The Preventers pile into the chopper waiting outside, and you’re quick to scramble over so you can sit next to Wufei. He wraps his arm around your shoulder, and you are glad for the contact. None speaks and that makes you wonder. But the mystery is cleared at soon as the chopper lands on the local Preventer Base. Commander Une is waiting next to the hangar, and she approaches the chopper after it has landed. You are not surprised she is here. Wufei is one of her most prized agents, so naturally she would appear after such a disastrous mission.

Heero is out the next moment and snapping at her. “Don’t give me bullshit about going against protocol.”

“Agent Yuy,” she starts cooly, but Heero interrupts her.

“He had her bent over his desk, ready to rape her!” he snaps.

The other agents freeze and all turn to look at you. Wufei takes your hand and pulls you along with him. 

“I told you right away we had to go and get them out,” Heero continues. 

“We will talk later,” Une tells him. “Agent Chang and Agent -L/N- need medical attention.”

She mentions you to follow her and you do so in silence. You don’t know what to think or say. Your mind is incapable of handling the situation. Inside the base Une directs you to a medical room. As soon as she opens the door, Sally Po comes storming out.

“Thank God!” She wraps herself around Wufei.

“Sally!” he protests. “Take it easy.”

“I’m sorry!” Her face is pale with worry and she cups his cheeks. “What have they done?”

“Take a look at -Y/N- first. I’ll be fine.”

He seats himself in one of the chairs, while Sally directs you to the place behind the curtain. Commander Une stays behind, and you hear her quietly talking to Wufei. 

“Are you okay, -Y/N-?” Sally asks you. 

“I don’t know,” you say. Your voice sounds small. “I want a pregnancy and a STD test.”

Her mouth falls open. You notice the deadly silence that falls over the room, and then Une’s footsteps as she make her way around the curtain. Her face is pale, her eyes wide with concern and shock.

“Agent Yuy said…” she starts, but you interrupt her.

“Agent Yuy doesn’t know it had already happened.” 

“They…” Sally says, and then shakes her head.

You hang your head in shame. Tears fill your eyes and you no longer know what to do. The drive for survival is gone and nothing is left. Nothing but shame and humiliation. Sally wraps her arms around you and holds you. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers. You hear the tears in her voice and swallow thickly. “Come over here.”

She makes you sit down on the examination table and takes your hands. “We can do the tests later if you want.”

“No.” You shake your head. “Do them now. I… I’m nauseous a lot. I want to be sure.”

Sally instructs you to undress and you do so. She is quick and efficient in her examination. She checks you over for fractures before handing you a large, fluffy robe. She checks your head and eyes and concludes you don’t have a concussion. Then she makes you lie down on the table. She takes note of the burns on your thighs and sighs.

“These look bad,” she says. “I’ll need to disinfect and treat them after you’ve cleaned up.”

You nod and direct your gaze at the ceiling when she takes the rape kit from the counter. The commander sits down on the edge of the table and wraps her arm around your shoulder. The gesture is kind and unexpected, and tears brim in your eyes once more. You feel so dirty. Sally looks up when you sob.

“-Y/N-,” she says softly. “It’s okay.”

You press your hands over your face, hiding the shame from both women. 

“We can do this later,” Commander Une says. 

“No…” You vehemently shake your head. “I-I need to know.”

Sally takes the necessary swabs as quickly as possible and then stores the rape kit away.

“I’ll need your clothes for evidence,” she says. You nod and take the pregnancy test that she hands over to you. “Stay here while I examine Wufei. I’ll go with you to the showers.”

You’re grateful for her care. Commander Une gently guides you to the other side of the curtain and makes you sit down in the chair behind the desk. She then gets you a cup of water. 

“Here,” she says softly, while taking the other chair. “I’ll need to know what happened, but that can wait.”

You nod and sip the water slowly. The fresh taste is welcome after the stale water that the cell had provided. You huddle in the robe, feeling small and insignificant. You clutch the pregnancy test in your hand, your white knuckled grip crushing the package. What if your fears are confirmed? The thought alone makes you sick.

Wufei emerges from behind the curtain and Sally follows him. 

“You can both stay in the sick bay tonight,” she says. “It’s quiet there and you both need rest.”

You nod, glad to know that you will be away from prying eyes and concern. You set course for the showers and with each step you take, dread becomes like a heavy stone in your stomach. Sally is behind you and she barges into the women’s changing room after you.

“Shower first,” she tells you. 

“But…” 

She shakes her head. “Shower first.”

You nod meekly and hand her the pregnancy test. You take one of the towels from the stack in the corner and lock yourself up in one of the cubicles. You turn the water as hot as you can stand and let it pour over your beaten body. You scrub your skin vigorously; ignoring the pain it causes you, because no matter how much you try… you can’t seem to get clean. When Sally knocks on the door of the stall you turn of the water and dry yourself. The burns on your thighs sting. You’re not looking forward to the idea to getting them treated at all. More pain… You shake your head and exit the stall. Sally is waiting next to the door and she is holding your bag with an extra change of clothes. You give her a grateful look and quickly get dressed, before taking the pregnancy test from her. 

“Take your time, okay?” she says gently. 

You nod and enter one of the toilet stalls, praying with all your might that the test comes out negative. When you emerge from the toilet Sally is quick to take the test from you. She makes you sit down on the bench lining the wall and slips her arm around your shoulders. 

“When will I get the results from the STD test?” you ask her.

You need to talk. You can’t wait in silence for the pregnancy test result. You need to keep your mind occupied or else the terrible memories will creep up on you. Your mind, overcome with fatigue and the aftermath of being rescued, simply can’t handle them.

“About a week,” Sally says. “I’ll tell the lab to make it a priority case.”

“Thanks,” you say softly. 

“I think it’s ready.”

Your heart lurches in your chest and you swallow thickly, taking the test from Sally. You take a deep breath and look at the display. The relief at seeing the negative sign makes a sob escape your throat and you clasp a hand over your mouth. Sally gives you a relieved smile and wraps you up in her embrace. 

“Thank God…” she whispers.

The tears come, hot on your cheeks and stinging your eyes. Sally lets you cry onto her shoulder, rocking you from side to side to soothe you. 

“I got you,” she murmurs. 

But it’s not her you want to hear the words from. You long for the safety of Wufei’s arms. And that makes you feel terribly guilty, because Sally has been so nice and caring… How would you ever explain to her that Wufei had come to mean so much more to you? 

You do your best to calm down and lean back against the wall with a sigh. 

“Better?” Sally asks.

You nod. 

“Alright. Let’s go to the sick bay to get you settled in. You can have some soup.”

Before you leave the dressing room, you splash some water onto your face. The sick bay is deserted, except for Wufei, who is already there, sitting on one of the beds. One look at your face has him approaching you. The look in his eyes is haunted. 

You’re quick to ease his mind. “The test was negative.”

The relief is so painstakingly clear that it makes tears form in your eyes again. He pulls you into his arms and holds you. You carefully wrap your arms around his waist and hide your face against his shoulder. He presses a kiss against your temple.

“It will be okay,” he promises you.

You squeeze your eyes shut. “I don’t know…”

He cups your cheeks and makes you look at him. “It will be. You’re strong.”

You bite your lip, not knowing what to say. Right now, you feel anything but strong. 

“You both need rest,” Sally says, and gently steers you in the direction of the bed next to Wufei’s. “And I still need to treat those burns. Yours too, Wufei.”

He grimaces and sits down on his own bed. You strip off the sweatpants and climb onto the bed, and Sally gets to work immediately. You hiss and bitch at the sting of the disinfectant, your fists curling in the sheets. 

“These look like cigarette burns,” Sally notes. 

“They are,” you grumble. 

She applies an ointment and then wraps bandages around both your thighs. You slip into the sweatpants again and settle under the sheets. You look up when Heero enters the room, carrying a tray with two steaming bowls on it. 

Sally treats Wufei’s wound with the same kind of efficiency, and then kisses Wufei’s cheek. “Get some rest.”

“Yeah…” he says quietly. 

You take the bowl that Heero hands you. 

“Take it easy,” he tells you. “You’re stomach needs to get used to food again. Eat slowly or else you might throw up.”

You nod and dip the spoon into the soup, taking small sips. Sally stays close, keeping an eye on you as you eat. When she notices the soup is staying down, she gives a satisfied nod. 

“If you feel okay tomorrow, you can have some oatmeal for breakfast.”

Wufei glares at her. “Oatmeal?”

You find his disgruntled reaction funny and can barely hide a snicker. Heero is smirking when he takes your empty bowl from you. 

“Yes, Wufei. Oatmeal,” Sally says sternly. “You are under my care so you’ll do as I say.”

He hands his bowl over to Heero and sighs. “Fine.”

“Get some rest.”

Heero rests his hand on your shoulder for a moment, before leaving the room with Sally trailing behind him. She turns off the light before closing the door. You sigh and get more comfortable under the sheets. 

“How are you feeling?” you ask Wufei. 

He shrugs. “Better. Heero taped my ribs for me.”

You turn your head so you can look at him. Moonlight pours in through the windows, so you can make out his features in the darkness. He is looking at you. He holds out his hand and you reach across the distance between your beds, grasping on firmly. 

He gives you a small smile. “I’m glad we were on time to stop him.”

You swallow thickly. “Me too… I… I don’t think I could have gone through it a second time.”

Worry flashes into his gaze. He realizes that your mental state is far more fragile than he had thought before. You can’t blame him. In the cell, survival was everything that mattered. Now that you’re out, it’s finally clear how affected you are by the whole ordeal. 

He gives your hand a squeeze. “I could stay with you when we get back, if you want.”

“What is Sally going to think of that?” you ask him. 

He looks lost for a moment. But then his eyes get a determined glint. “She’ll understand.”

_Will she?_ You bite your lip. Will she understand the bond that had formed? Will she understand that in a moment of weakness, Wufei had kissed you? 

You tear your gaze away from his and look at the ceiling. “I don’t know, Wufei…”

“It’s okay,” he says, his tone turning gentle. “You don’t have to decide now.”

You give him a small smile. The fatigue is creeping up on you, and you feel your eyelids getting heavy. You fall asleep with your hands entwined. 

-x-x-x-

You are back in the bunker, punches raining down on your battered body. Across from you Wufei is struggling to break free of his captors, but it’s of no use. The leader steps forward and grabs your hair. 

“Talk now, or it will cost you,” he says. 

You glare at him through the blood that’s dripping into your eyes from the cut above your eyebrow. You spit on his boots in an act of defiance. You don’t speak, just turn your gaze away and look at Wufei again.

The man swears and makes another grab for your hair. “Fine then.”

He pulls you to your feet and drags you with him to the desk that he had been sitting on. He makes you face Wufei, and stands behind you. You shiver in disgust when he leans in and buries his nose in your hair. 

“Last chance,” he warns you. “I’ll make him watch. Bet he’d enjoy it too.”

Your eyes widen in horror at the implication. Wufei starts struggling again and it is clear he has heard every word the man has spoken to you. You swallow thickly, but keep your mouth shut. You had sworn to silence, and so you will keep it. You will not give in. 

You feel the tip of a knife prodding at your lower back. The blade slides down, breaking the skin and you bite down on your bottom lip to keep yourself from making any sounds. The knife cuts through your belt and the waistband of your pants. You struggle, your wide eyes filled with horror. 

“-Y/N-.” 

Wufei’s voice… He sounds like he is calling you from a distance. You struggle with reality; not knowing what is real any more. 

“-Y/N-, wake up.” Hands grab your arms and give you a gentle shake.

You surface abruptly, your eyes wide, your body drenched in sweat. “Oh God.”

Wufei is sitting on the edge of your bed, lines of concern marring his face. He pulls you into his arms and you gratefully rest your head against his shoulder. Your breathing is labored, your lungs burning. Your fingers twist in the fabric of his shirt and you hold on tightly. 

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs into your hair. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, a sob escaping you. “I… I can’t…”

“Shh…” His hold on you tightens, his lips press against your temple. “It’s okay.”

You struggle to calm down, but it’s hard. It’s so hard to relive that horror every time you close your eyes. The burden of it is terrible. Shame churns in your belly like a heavy stone. 

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you,” he whispers. 

The words are heartfelt and you can easily hear the shame in his tone. It settles you a little. He carries part of your burden and shame. You manage to get your breathing under control and sigh. His scent fills your nostrils. He no longer smells like blood, sweat, and gunpowder. Now, its shower gel and shampoo, combined with his own unique scent. Something you could breathe in for hours. 

He lowers you down on the mattress, and pulls back the sheets. “Move over a bit.”

“What?!?” You blink, wondering what he is planning. 

“I’ll sleep here,” he says.

“No, you can’t!” you protest. 

“Why not?” he questions.

_You’re back at the base. Sally is here. People will talk._ The arguments circle around wildly in your head. You bite your lip and shake your head.

“-Y/N-,” Wufei says quietly. “You need to rest.”

“I sleep,” you tell him.

He shakes his head at your stubbornness and sighs. “You’ll suffer from nightmares again.”

“Yes, and I don’t see how you sleeping here is going to change that.” But the moment the words are out, you regret them because you see how deep they cut. You reach out and rest a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s just… Sally is here…” You fidget with the blanket as you speak, not knowing where to look. “So much has changed and it makes me feel awkward when I rely on you with her around.”

He cups your cheek and makes you look at him. “We’ve been through hell. It’s okay to rely on me.”

“I know…” You sigh. “I’m such a mess.”

He makes you scoot back and maneuvers himself onto the bed. You notice how he grimaces as his movements jar his ribs. When he is finally comfortable, you snuggle closer. It does feel good to have him hold you. You feel completely safe with him. 

“Go to sleep,” he murmurs into your hair. 

“Wufei?”

“Hmm?” He pulls back so he can look at you. 

You bite your lip and reach up to touch his cheek. “Thank you.”

He gives you a small smile and takes your hand in his, clutching it against his chest. “You’re welcome.”

You sleep undisturbed for the rest of the night.

-x-x-x-

“… sleeping in her bed?”

“She had a nightmare.”

“I see. Did she sleep for the rest of the night?” There is a moment of silence and then Sally speaks again. “Good. They’ll bring you breakfast soon. I’ll be back for some tests later and then I can determine whether or not we can fly back to Brussels.”

You hear her footsteps leave the room. You curl in to yourself, your face hidden against Wufei’s chest. You don’t want to open your eyes. You don’t want to face the world. You just want to stay in the safe cocoon Wufei created for you. 

“I know you’re awake,” he tells you. 

“Hmm…” 

He tugs you closer and nuzzles your hair. “How are you feeling?”

You swallow thickly and squeeze your eyes shut. How are you to answer this? Numb? Dirty? Disgusting? Those words would only make him feel more guilty. “I don’t know.”

You trail your hand up along his side until you can feel the outline of the tape beneath the fabric of his shirt. “Do they still hurt as badly?”

He grunts. “They will for some time.”

“Hmm… And when they start to heal it gets worse.”

“I’ll survive.”

You finally dare to open your eyes and look at him. But when you do, your eyes are drenched. “Wufei? How can I go back to normal?”

“You’ll have to deal,” he says simply. “You’ll have to work through it or you won’t be able to function.”

“Was that how it was for you after the war?”

“And how it will be again.” He cups your cheeks and gives you an encouraging look. “And it will be like that for you too. It will be hard, but you’re strong. You’ll get through it.”

You take a shuddering breath and exhale, shifting your gaze towards his chest. “I don’t feel strong right now.”

“Look at me,” he urges.

You swallow thickly and hesitate.

“-Y/N-,” he tries again, his voice patient but strong, compelling you to meet his gaze again. “Look at me. Are you a victim or a survivor?”

You stare at him with wide eyes, as his words spark something inside of you. You take a gulp of air before speaking. “I’m a survivor.”

“There.” He gives you a small smile. “That’s your first step.”

You give him a nod and curl into him, burying your face into his chest. You have no idea how long that road ahead of you is. You’re just glad he is there for you to guide you along.

-x-x-x-

After three days of hiding away in the sick bay, Sally gives you clearance for travel. You’re glad to leave the base and head back to Brussels. You can’t wait get away from all the pitying stares. The Commander had already left for Brussels a few days prior and during the shuttle flight back, you get an email from her on your tablet. 

You sigh as you read its contents.

“What is it?” Heero asks from his seat across from you. 

Both of you are trying to ignore Wufei’s and Sally’s bickering in the back of the cabin. Sally is obviously not agreeing with Wufei’s plans to stay with you. 

You raise your gaze from the tablet and meet Heero’s eyes. “Commander Une has emailed me a proposal for my rehabilitation program. I’m not sure if I’m liking it.”

Heero frowns. “May I?”

You nod and hand him the tablet. You watch as he scans the email’s content in silence. When he has finished he looks up again. 

“What do you think?” you ask him. 

“Three months of paid leave in which you will follow an intensive counseling program with a psychiatrist is more than she offers us,” he says quietly. “Do it and see where it leads you.”

You bite your lip and nod. Heero reaches out and places his hand on top of your knee. You try not to shy away. You’d never have done it in the past, and you are determined not to do it now.

“I wanted to try and get you out sooner,” Heero said quietly. “But Une insisted on waiting, because she was negotiating with these rebels. Getting Wufei out was her top priority.”

You gaze at him in astonishment. “And what about me?”

Heero gives you a knowing look. Anger flares instantly. All of a sudden, you realize that Une had only comforted you at the base because she felt guilty. She knew that if she had let Heero get in sooner, your imprisonment would have ended earlier. But she had been determined to get out Wufei. Wufei, because he was her most prized agent. In her eyes you were not as important, disposable and insignificant. 

“She doesn’t give a shit about what would have happened to me.”

“We did,” Heero says and he gives your knee a gentle squeeze. 

You give him a grateful look. “Thank you, Heero.”

“I still was too late, wasn’t I?”

You shake your head. “It doesn’t matter. You stopped it from happening a second time.”

That seems to ease his mind a bit. He leans back in his chair. “We’re almost there.”

You take a deep breath to calm the rage in your belly. Heero’s words have left you reeling. You know you will have to tell Wufei about this. He has a right to know. And he would want to know. If you keep this from him, he would get angry. 

The shuttle touches the ground and you are up as soon as it draws to a halt next to the hangar. It’s already late and darkness has fallen. Wufei emerges from the back cabin, a grim look on his face. 

“Heero, can you drop me and -Y/N- off at her place?” he asks.

You are ready to protest, but swallow your words when he looks at you. You realize that he needs to be close to you. Sally, as much as she tries and wants to, could never understand the helplessness. 

Heero nods. “Sure thing.”

You grab your bag and follow Heero out of the shuttle. There are agents milling about in the hangar, some giving you questioning looks. You duck your head and avoid their stares. Wufei rests a hand on your shoulder and propels you forward, through the long and narrow corridors of the base.

Heero leads the way to his car and you heave a relieved sigh when you sink into the back seat. “I might as well write it on my forehead.”

Heero gives you a concerned look over his shoulder. “You okay?”

You shrug. “Just get me home.”

The drive is spend in silence, all three of you lost in your own thoughts. You are glad when Heero pulls to a stop in front of your condo. 

You reach out and rest a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, Heero. For everything.”

He gives you a small smile. “You’re welcome. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

You nod and lean in to kiss his cheek. You grab your bag and get out of the car. Wufei is already waiting on the curb and follows you to the door. You breathe a sigh of relief when you close and lock the door behind you. 

“There is something I need to tell you,” you say as you mention him to follow you into the living room.

“What is it?” he questions. 

“Heero told me that he wanted to come and get us out sooner, but that Une wouldn’t allow it because she was still negotiating. Her top priority was to get you out,” you tell him. “Apparently I’m not important enough.”

His gaze narrows. “What?”

“She was just acting nice because she felt guilty. Fucking bitch.” You move to open the door to your bedroom and throw your bag inside. Anger is apparent in your every move. 

Wufei reaches for you and rests a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry. I could look into this and see if you can bring this to court.”

You frown and shake your head. “I’m not sure if I want to.”

“Think about it,” he tells you. “If what Heero told you is true, you have a solid case.”

“Everybody will know…” The shame comes back full force and you swallow thickly. You reach for him, huddling against his chest. “I don’t think I could bear it.”

He wraps his arms around you. “Just give it some time. We should go to sleep.”

You nod and hold open the door to your bedroom. “Would you…?”

He gives you a small smile and nods. “Of course.”

You change in the bathroom and venture out again. Wufei is standing next to your bed, examining the tape on his ribs and the bandage across his stomach. You bite your lip as you take in the bruises on his skin. You know your body is in a similar state, but to see it on him is confronting. Your proud, strong partner had been reduced to a mere human, incapable of protecting. Knowledge that doesn’t sit easy with him, you know. 

You crawl under the comforter and huddle in the warmth it provides. Wufei joins you and turns over on his side so he can look at you. You reach for his hand and entwine your fingers with his. 

“Thank you,” you murmur.

He gives you a small smile. “I’ll stay here as long as you need me.”

The words make you feel at ease and guilty at the same time. “What about Sally?”

He frowns. “What about her?”

“She doesn’t like it that you’re staying here,” you said softly. 

“She’ll have to deal,” he says stubbornly. 

You swallow thickly. “It makes me feel a little guilty. She’s been so nice and caring. I can understand that she wants some time alone with you.”

He looks hesitant to speak. His eyes are trained on your face, an intent look in them. “How am I supposed to be with her now? After what happened, after what I’ve seen?”

You reach out and touch his cheek. “I don’t know. But you can’t keep her at a distance. You need her.”

“And what about you?” he asks. “You think I should just leave you by yourself?”

That idea scares you. And you realize that he knows it as well. 

“I’m sorry…” you whisper. 

He tucks your head under his chin and holds you. “It’s okay. Go to sleep.”

You nod meekly and curl into him. It takes some time for you to drift off, the restlessness hard to let go. But when you finally fall asleep, it’s deep and dreamless. 

-x-x-x-

Days pass and your body starts to heal. You rest and sleep, thanks to Wufei’s presence. Being around him calms you and makes you feel more secure about yourself. Sally comes by every day to check on you. After a week of rest, she encourages you to go and take a walk outside.

“Fresh air will do you good,” she tells you with an encouraging smile.

You bite your lip and look at Wufei. “What about you?”

He shrugs. “We could walk around the block. I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Sally says. “Let’s go.”

You get up to pull on your jacket and shoes. You can tell that Sally keeps a close eye on you as you walk outside. You stay a bit ahead of them, giving them some time together. Close to the corner of the street you glance back at them. Sally has her hand entwined with Wufei’s but he seems a little distant from her. His gaze is trained on you. You gulp and tear your eyes away from them, while rounding the corner. 

There is a group of young men hanging along the curb. Your heart starts beating faster when they notice you. You wonder if they see the fading bruises, your stiff way of walking, and the sudden flash of fear that sparks in your stomach. It’s confronting to discover that all your training, all your hard work, has never prepared you for this. You try to keep your breathing under control as you pass the men. One of them gives you a wink, which causes your heart to leap into your throat. You duck your head and hurry on. 

“-Y/N-! Wait up!”

It’s Wufei, but you ignore him and round the next corner. You stop walking and press your hand over your mouth, squeezing your eyes shut. You take deep breaths, desperate to calm down.

“Hey.” Wufei catches up with you and gently grabs your arm. “Are you okay?”

You nod. “Sorry… I just freaked out.”

“Breathe,” he instructs you. “It’ll pass.”

Sally takes your other side and wraps a comforting arm around your waist. “You’re doing great, -Y/N-.”

“I’ll have to practice,” you say, once you get your breathing under control. “It’s ridiculous. Why am I afraid?”

Wufei slips his arm around your shoulders and leads you along. You huddle in between him and Sally, glad for their support. There is something oddly comforting about them working together to encourage you. Their belief in you makes you feel a little stronger. 

A weird determination takes hold of you, and once you reach your house again, you speak up. “I want to try this again tomorrow.”

Sally gives you a grin. “Good. See? There is a little more color to your cheeks already.”

You give her a small smile. “Thank you, Sally.”

She hugs you. “You’re welcome.”

She then turns her attention to Wufei, and you’re quick to open the door and get inside. You don’t want to get in between them any more than you already have. But the heavy feeling in your stomach tells you otherwise. 

You shake off the feeling and make yourself comfortable on the couch. You pull the throw from the back of the couch and huddle in it, glad for the warmth it provides. You hear the front door close and soon Wufei comes walking into the living room.

You frown when you notice the expression on his face. He seems angry, and you quickly sit up. 

“What’s the matter?” you ask him. 

He shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

He comes to sit beside you and holds out his hand. You don’t hesitate and reach for it, the contact making you feel a little more secure. 

“Are you okay?” he asks.

You nod. “Yeah… Sorry about that little episode. I don’t know what came over me.”

“You managed to get it under control fairly quickly,” he said. 

“I did.” You give a small smile. “I really want to try again tomorrow.”

“We could walk a little further, if you want,” he offers.

You nod and shift, so you can rest your head against his shoulder. “Thank you, Wufei.”

“You’re welcome.” He nuzzles your hair. 

You sigh. For the first time, you feel a little stronger. 

-x-x-x-

Your sleep is restless, full of dreams. Dreams of Wufei, of his face, of his scent, the safety of his arms. Your body twists and turns in the sheets, and you jerk awake with a start. You lie staring at the ceiling with wide eyes, as realization comes crashing on down on you like a ton of bricks. The reality makes your heart skip a beat and with it comes an incredible anger. 

You´re in love with Wufei. 

How? And above all, why? Why, after everything that had happened? 

You knew before, back in the cell, that your feelings for him had changed, but you had written it off as a result of the situation. You had expected it to go back to normal after getting home. But the feelings only seem deeper. And the situation is, frankly, impossible. Sooner or later he would return home to Sally and pick up his life with her again. There is no way you could get in between that. In between them. The thought alone sickens you. So, how could you be so selfish, so stupid, to let yourself fall in love with him? 

You sit up and pull your knees up to your chest, resting your chin on top of them. You’re lost. 

Even if Wufei is to return your feelings, being with him is impossible. You no longer are sure if you are capable of trusting a man, even an honest man like Wufei. The therapy sessions have made that very clear to you, even after only two appointments.

You feel utterly devastated with your discovery, but tears won’t come. And to you, that is a relief. You are so done with crying, with the emotional burden. Closing yourself off seems like such a better option. 

You turn your head to look at Wufei and sigh. He too, is sleeping restlessly, a light sheen of sweat on his skin. A frown mars his handsome face, locks of hair sticking to his damp forehead. You reach out and gently run your finger along his cheek. He inhales sharply at your touch, as if it hurts him.

“Wufei,” you say softly, while turning your body towards him. “Wufei, wake up.”

He shifts and you’re quick to grab his shoulders, pinning him to the mattress. He jerks awake and gasps, his obsidian eyes wild with horror. 

“Hey,” you tell him quietly. “It’s okay.”

He takes a ragged breath and tries to sit up, but you firmly push him back. It would only aggravate his ribs if he moves like that, now that they have started to heal. 

“Breathe,” you instruct him. “I’ve got you.”

He closes his eyes and reaches for your hand, bringing it up to his face to press it against his cheek. You ignore the fluttering in your chest and give him a concerned look. The past few weeks, he had had a few nightmares, but not as bad as tonight. 

“Are you okay?” you ask.

He nods and sighs. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” After all the times he has comforted you after a nightmare, it seems only fair that you return the favor. 

“Those therapy sessions are not helping me sleep,” he grouses. 

“For now, no. But they help you deal.” You reach up with your free hand and gently push his hair back. 

In the darkness his eyes meet yours and you feel yourself drowning in their intensity. It’s something you can’t help. You are powerless against it. He moves, carefully pushing himself up into a seated position. He keeps hold of your hand and turns his face to kiss your fingers, his gaze never leaving yours. You swallow thickly at the storm of emotions his actions cause and take a shaky breath. This is wrong. This is so wrong. But yet it feels right. 

You are suddenly, very aware of him. And of yourself and your body. Warmth pulses through you, settling in your belly. Your breathing deepens and goosebumps rise on your arms. It only seems to intensify when he pulls you closer towards him. His fingers skim up along your arm and shoulder. Your eyes drift shut as the traces your jawline, and then your cheek. Your lips part of their own volition, a silent invitation. His fingers hook around your chin, tipping your head up. He leans in, and the memory of that kiss in the cell flits through your mind. You remember the press of his lips against yours, the warmth of them. 

And you remember the helplessness from a few minutes ago. You lean forward and rest your head against his shoulder. Shame, white hot, spreads through you. _How could you?!?_

He doesn’t speak, and for that you’re glad. You don’t want to know what had gone on in his mind. Neither did you want to explain what had gone on in yours. He pulls you with him when he carefully lies back down, and you are very careful to keep your face pressed into his neck to avoid eye contact. 

You can’t be with him. But for now he holds you and that is enough. It is all you will allow. 

-x-x-x-

As the therapy sessions progress, you feel yourself getting stronger. It doesn’t mean that the trauma is gone, but at least you’re dealing. You send Wufei home. It’s not easy, but you have to. You no longer are able to be around him. It’s too confusing, too confronting. The first three nights you suffer from nightmares, waking up in tears and realizing with a sinking feeling that he is not there to comfort you.

But it’s for the best. You need to learn to depend on yourself again. You need to learn that what happened to you doesn’t define you. You are stronger than this. The determination adds a defiant spark to your eyes that is met with approval from your therapist. She seems happy with your progress.

But it all comes crashing down around you when she starts addressing your feelings for Wufei, making you feel devastated once more.

“Why do you think you love him?” she asks during the third session on the subject.

You sigh with anger. You are exhausted, but she persists. “I don’t know.”

“Of course you do.” She gives you an encouraging look. 

You sigh again. Why do you love Wufei? “Because… he makes me feel safe. Because he cares.”

“And do you think he returns your feelings?”

You think back to that near kiss a few weeks ago. “There is something.”

“But it’s holding you back?” She is busy taking notes. 

“Of course. He is in a relationship with someone else.” You lean back in your seat and purse your lips in thought.

“But if he weren’t… Would you pursue a relationship with him?”

You shake your head. “I’m not ready for that. And besides that, what man wants damaged goods?”

Your anger turns you cynical. The lack of sleep doesn’t help either. It’s just too much today. You lean forward and press your face into your hands. All your progress is gone. 

“-Y/N-,” Megan sounds sympathetic. “You’ll get through this.”

You turn your gaze towards her, your eyes drenched. “I feel so fucking powerless.”

She reaches out and gently pats your knee. “Can you tell me why?”

“Because it just happened. Why did I have to fall in love with Wufei?” the first tear spills down your cheek. “Why couldn’t I just be stronger?”

She offers you a tissue, which you gratefully accept.

“I just want to go back to who I was before, but I can’t anymore.” You sigh. “And it’s not helping that he cares so much about my wellbeing.”

“In what way?”

“He calls me every day. He went back to work and dove into the information that Heero gave me on the mission’s return flight. He insists I bring it to court.”

“It sounds like he wants to fight for you.”

“I don’t want him to!” Frustration makes you raise your voice. “God… it’s just makes it all the harder.”

“Have you thought of taking a vacation?”

You shake your head. “No.”

“I want you to think about it for our next session. Think of where you’d go and what you would do to relax. Maybe a change of scenery would do you good.”

You bite your lip as you contemplate her words. “Maybe.”

“Just think about it and tell me next time.”

You nod and get up from your seat. It’s time to head home and get your feelings under control. 

You are glad once the door falls shut behind you. You quickly strip off your coat and head to the guest bedroom. The scent of paint greets you when you open the door. You idly gaze at the canvas that awaits you.

Painting, you discovered, had helped you deal. In the past you had drawn and painted as a hobby, but now it really was an outlet. It was easier to let the emotions flow out through your brush than to talk about them. The first few canvasses you had created had been dark, angry, full of hate. This one was born from sadness. The shape of a lone woman, hunched over as she huddled in herself represented your state of mind. It is confronting to see it, but in a way also oddly comforting. You had created a representation of your feelings. 

You go to work, preparing paint and brushes, tying back your hair. You take a deep breath as you take a brush and dip it in a dark, moody blue. As you work, you think about Megan’s proposition. A vacation sounded nice, you muse. It would be good to get away from everything, to relax. 

But what would await you on your return? The situation would still be the same. You won’t solve anything by running away. You freeze. Unless you make your run permanent. The thought is frightening, but also utterly liberating. You would get away from everything. You have enough money saved up to last for a while. You’ll go and find a nice place to live. You could always look into work. Wufei will no longer mess with your head. A clean slate, so you could heal and start over.

You mull over the idea as your brush swirls over the canvas. Wouldn’t it be nice, you muse quietly, if you could live somewhere where nobody knew you? Nobody would know of what had happened to you. You could rediscover yourself, let go of the past. The notion seems wonderful.

You are just cleaning the last of your brushes as the doorbell rings. You quickly rinse off your hands and grab a clean towel on your way to the front door. 

Wufei is standing on the door step, a dark look on his face.

“Hey,” you say softly as you step back to let him in. “What are you doing here?”

He steps inside and it is then that you notice the duffel bag. You give him a puzzled look. 

“Sally and I…” He sighs. “It’s just not working anymore.”

“Oh…” You swallow thickly and quickly look elsewhere. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Could I stay the night?”

“Sure,” you say, albeit a bit reluctantly. 

“Heero will return from his mission tomorrow, so I could go to his place then,” he offers, as if he knows you no longer want to be around him. 

You nod. “Okay.”

He frowns at your meek answers and reaches out to tip your face up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…” You step back and go back into the living room. “Rough session.”

“I see…” He follows you and halts next to you by the window. “There’s paint on your cheek.”

“Oh…” You flush with embarrassment and quickly reach up to wipe away the streak of blue. “I was painting earlier. It helps with the healing, I guess.”

You can tell that his curiosity is piqued, but as you don’t elaborate any further, he lets the subject rest for the moment.

“So, you and Sally…” you say.

He sighs. “Yeah…”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help but feel guilty.” You turn towards him and give him an honest look.

“Don’t be,” he says. “It’s not your fault. I think I changed too much.”

Despite your reluctance to be close to him, you still want to comfort him so you reach for his hand. His fingers curl around yours, his palm rough. 

“It wasn’t like you changed out of free will,” you say quietly.

He shrugs. “It still happened.”

You rest your head against his shoulder and sigh when he turns his head to drop a kiss on top of your hair. The affection was apparent in the gesture and you had to admit you had missed being around him. 

“Your three months are almost up,” he says. “Are you ready to get back to work?”

You contemplate telling him about your idea to move away, but know that he would only fight to keep you here. So you remain silent as your heart breaks at the thought of leaving him behind. 

-x-x-x-

You wake up in the middle of the night. It’s a gradual shift into awareness, and you grumble to yourself as you sit up. It’s impossible to sleep, knowing Wufei is sleeping on the couch. You hadn’t dared to offer him the guest bedroom, since it was filled with paintings of the black emotions you had worked through the past couple of weeks. 

Your awareness of him makes you restless. 

You get up and leave your bedroom, heading towards the kitchen for a glass of water. As you step into the living room, you freeze. Wufei is awake, and his gaze shifts towards you as you enter the room. 

“Can’t sleep?” he asks.

“No.” You go to the kitchen and retrieve two glasses from the cupboard, filling them before returning to the living room. 

He sits up to make room for you and you sink down on the cough next to him, offering him one of the glasses.

“What about you?” you ask him.

He sips his water and shrugs. “I’m overthinking things.”

“Sally?” you question. 

“Not really…” His answer is vague and it puzzles you.

His gaze shifts to meet yours and you are acutely reminded of that near kiss. Your heart starts beating faster.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” you say softly. 

“Hmm?”

“Back in the cell…”

His eyes darken with remembrance and you reach out to touch his hand. He turns his palm underneath yours and the warmth of it makes tingles run up your arm. 

“Yes?” he prompts you.

“You… you kissed me.” You are uncomfortably aware of the fact that your voice sounds husky. It’s the first time you’re speaking about that particular moment and your heart races in anticipation of his answer. 

“I did,” he muses quietly. His lips twitch up in a small smirk. 

“Why?” 

“Because I felt like it.”

That doesn’t tell you anything at all. Your eyebrows draw together in a frown. When he reaches out to smooth the line between them with his thump, heat rushes to your cheeks. His smirk widens when he notices. 

“Why do you want to know?” he asks.

You shrug and shift to put your glass on the coffee table. He puts his glass down as well and leans in closer. 

“Well?”

“I…” You can feel the heat of his body and it’s distracting. It’s impossible to concentrate on the conversation any longer. 

His fingers caress over your cheek and slide into your hair. He pulls you closer towards him. His eyes, near black, fill your vision as he leans in. His breath caresses over your lips. You sit frozen, staring at him with eyes that are large and afraid.

“No…” you whisper.

He lets go of you immediately. You scramble away from him until the arm of the couch forces you to stop. The fear in nearly paralyzing. He holds out his hand to you as if to soothe a frightened animal.

“It’s okay,” he says softly, his expression devastated when he realizes you are afraid. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

You shake your head and quickly get up. “I’m sorry.”

“-Y/N-.” He grabs your arm before you can flee the room. 

You swallow thickly before meeting his gaze. “I’m not afraid of you. I know you’d never…”

But before he had been in a relationship. Now there was nothing to hold him back, and he had been intend on kissing you. You had seen it in his eyes and are glad you had put a stop to it before it could happen. You are not capable of intimacy. Even a kiss seems too much. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, while directing your gaze at the ground. “I just can’t…”

His fingers hook under your chin and he forces you to meet his gaze. “I understand.”

“Do you?” Your eyes narrow. “Do you truly?”

Does he really understand how you feel? How much the idea of sex frightens you? How dirty it makes you feel that you long to be close to him even after what happened? How it feels like your body betrays you? 

His eyes narrow too. “Don’t get angry with me.”

You feel the familiar burn of tears and blink rapidly. “You claim to understand, but you don’t know shit.”

“I do understand!” he snaps. “I was there, remember? How do you think it makes me feel, every time I touch you, knowing that he…”

He abruptly turns away from you. You stand behind him in shocked silence and the tears spill down your cheeks. 

He takes a shaky breath and his voice sounds strangled with emotions as he speaks again. “I don’t want to remind you constantly.”

“You don’t…” you manage to choke out. “Back there you were the only one who didn’t hurt me. I know I can trust you. It’s me I don’t trust.”

He turns back towards you. There is a slightly wild look to his eyes, but the sudden anger from before is gone. 

“I…” you pause and take a deep breath. “Your touch doesn’t remind me of the rape. Not really. It makes me feel… a whole lot of other things and… I shouldn’t, right? I’ve been reading more into things than I should have and now I’m lost… I…”

You know you’re not making sense and shake your head. But he remains silent, patiently waiting for you to gather your thoughts. “I am not ready to be with anyone. I should focus on me first.”

He pulls you into his arms and buries his face into your hair. “You haven’t been reading more into things.”

Your fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt. “Haven’t I?” 

“No.” He sighs. 

The heat of his body is beckoning and you snuggle into him. But a small voice in the back of your head is reminding you of the plans you made earlier today. You can’t give him hope. It would be cruel. Especially now that you know he has feelings for you too.

“I’m sorry for getting angry,” you whisper. “I didn’t realize how much the whole ordeal made you second guess yourself.”

“You couldn’t know.” His lips press against your temple in a tender kiss. “Go back to bed. You need your rest.”

You nod and slowly disentangle yourself from him. You are tempted to ask him to sleep next to you, but you firmly remind yourself that you need to keep your distance. You are not that selfish. 

Wufei leaves for Heero’s place the next day. As soon as he is gone, you grab your phone and dial Megan’s number. You are glad when she picks up and explain your plan to her. She seems skeptical at first, but as you assure her you’re not running away from your emotions, she becomes more supportive. She even offers to help you find a local psychologist when you have moved.

After the phone call, you start forming your plan. The condo has to be sold, your belongings packed and moved. You need to resign from Preventer. And most importantly, you need to figure out where you want to go. 

You feel like you are making the right decision for yourself. You need to get away, figure out what you want from now on. But the thought of not seeing Wufei again is heavy on your heart. 

-x-x-x-

“Agent -L/N-!” Commander Une looks up in surprise when you enter her office. “I was not expecting you here so soon.”

You still have a full week before you are supposed to start working again. Little does Une know that you have entirely different plans. You have come here with a purpose.

You come to a halt in front of her desk and place the envelope on top of it. “I came to bring you this.”

A frown forms on her face as she gazes at the envelope. “What is it?”

“My letter of resignation.” You deliver the new with a coolness that even impresses you. 

Her mouth falls open in shock and she gapes at you. “Excuse me?”

“I’m quitting,” you announce. 

She stands up and gazes at you in astonishment. “Why?”

Anger starts to boil in your stomach. You can’t believe she is playing like she doesn’t know what you’re talking about. “I will no longer risk my life for an organization that is not willing to get me out of precarious situations.”

Une sputters. “That’s nonsense!”

“Heero told me,” you snap coolly. “You’re lucky I’m not bringing this to court.”

Color drains from her face. “I see.”

“I’ll settle everything with HRM.”

She quietly reaches for the letter. “I’ll see to it that they receive a copy of your letter.”

“Good.” You swiftly turn around and storm out of her office, before she can say anything else.

You take the elevator down and head into the HRM department. You announce your retirement and turn in your uniform, badge, and weapon. Just as you push the items across the desk of the HRM manager, the door flies open and Wufei comes barging into the office. 

“July, I need… -Y/N-?” He stares at you in surprise. 

You had successfully avoided him the past two weeks as you had set your plans into motion. He had not been happy with you, and he had expressed the sentiment over the phone a lot. You had wanted to see him too, but phone calls were safer. You had feared that seeing him would make your determination to leave waver.

“Hey,” you say quietly. 

His gaze zeroes in on the items on July’s desk and his eyes widen as he realizes the implication. You quickly get up and brush past him. You’re halfway down the hallway when you hear him call after you.

“-Y/N-! Wait!”

You break out into a run and take the staircase down. He catches up with you on the steps outside. You halt when he grabs your arm. 

“You’re quitting.” His tone is accusing and you know why. Partners are supposed to tell each other when they make such decisions. In a way, this is betrayal at its worst. 

You know your guilt is reflected in your gaze as you turn around to look at him. “I’m leaving.”

His mouth falls open in shock. “What?”

You swallow thickly. “I can’t stay here anymore.”

He reaches for your hand and pulls you towards him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he murmurs into your hair. “I would have…”

“Because I knew you would try to stop me.”

“Don’t go.” He is nearly pleading and that breaks your heart. 

Tears gather in your eyes and you cup his cheeks as you gaze up at him. “I’m sorry. I have to do this.”

He takes a shaky breath and rests his forehead against yours. You close your eyes and allow yourself to bask in the safety of his arms one final time. 

“Stay…” he whispers. “I need you.”

You open your eyes and gaze into his. There are so many emotions swirling in the dark depts. In the past he wouldn’t have allowed you to see, but now… Everything has changed. For him too. 

You give him a sad smile. “I shouldn’t want to be with you because of what happened. That’s not fair to either of us.”

Your voice is choked with emotion. You had made the decision and it’s tearing you up inside. But you need to do this. You can’t stay here and be with Wufei in this manner. You couldn’t do it and watch it fall to pieces around you. 

His fingers caress over your cheek. “Will you come back?”

“I don’t know,” you say honestly. “I need to find me first.”

The first tear escapes your control and runs down your cheek. There is tenderness in his touch as he wipes it away. 

“I can wait…” he says.

You shake your head. “No. Don’t make me any promises. I won’t be making them either.”

He sighs and kisses your forehead. “Alright. But keep in touch, okay? Otherwise I’ll worry.”

“Okay.”

You reach for him and lean in to press your lips against his. This time there is no fear, just longing and a need to give him at least this. He pulls you closer and kisses you back and you sigh as the warmth of his body seeps into yours. It closure, a healing of sorts. 

You give him a small smile when you pull back. “I’ll miss you.”

He caresses your cheek and tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. “I’ll miss you too.”

You steel yourself and pull away from him. “Bye.”

You turn around and continue down the stairs. As you reach the final step, you look up and come face to face with Sally. You swallow thickly as you see the expression on her face. Torn, sad, pained. It’s clear she has seen you and Wufei. But it’s no longer your concern, so you hurry past her. You have a plane to catch.

The pain around your heart seems to ease with every step. The decision to leave has proved to be the right one. A heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You know for sure, you’ll still struggle with the trauma, with your feelings for Wufei. It won’t be easy. But you’ll find yourself again. 

You’ll make Wufei proud. 

And maybe… maybe in another time and place, you’ll be right for him after all…

**\- End part 1 -**


	2. Part 2

**Desolate Melody**

_We flown a far beyond the sea,  
To find each other finally._

_~ Epica, Twin Flames_

The butterflies in your stomach don’t ease as you step into the bus. The air conditioning works well and has cooled it to a pleasant temperature, the complete opposite of the brooding heat outside. But you still feel feverishly warm. It is a combination of anticipation and fear that has your stomach tied into knots. You aren’t sure what to expect. 

You find a seat near the back of the bus and settle down, enjoying the view of the bays that the bus passes as it drives on. The stark blue of the sea reflects glittering sunlight, luring tourists and locals alike for a swim. The bus driver has music playing, a cheerful traditional tune that puts a smile on your face. 

Island life has done you good. After a year you had settled in, finding your place and rhythm under the burning sun and warm sea breeze. You enjoy living in the sprawling condo close to the beach, not too far from the island’s main city. Your neighbors are nice, you have an active social life, you tend your garden, you _paint_. It is a cycle that repeats itself almost daily, but it actually makes you feel rather content. The simplicity of life here is a far cry from the complicated and rushed life you had lived in Brussels. As much as you had loved it, you are glad you have left it behind. 

Back in Brussels, you hadn’t been able to heal. But here, you had been forced to face your demons and put them to rest. You would never have been able to do that if you had remained, with all the reminders around you. The new environment had challenged you. You had struggled in the beginning, had to learn to feel safe in your house on your own, had to learn how to deal with the warm friendliness of the locals that had been so overwhelming in the beginning. But you had managed. You had come out the victor. 

But there was one aspect of your former life that you missed. You will face that today. 

You had hoped your feelings for Wufei would ease over time, and for a while you had thought they had. But as you had grown stronger, had learned to trust people again, there was a part of you that longed for him. There had been plenty of times when you had woken up in the middle of the night, the memory of that kiss on the bottom of the stairs of HQ fresh on your mind. And you would lie awake the rest of the night, wishing he was in bed next to you so he could hold you. 

It had taken you some time to address the issue to your therapist. You hadn’t been sure if it was just curiosity that caused you to feel that way. But Michael had been very helpful.

“Of course you wonder,” he had said. “Do you think you are ready to act on it?”

It had taken you months to gather the courage. Wufei kept in touch regularly, by phone and email, but the conversations were simple and never ran deeper than informing each other about your day to day lives. Neither of you dared to touch the subject of your feelings for each other. 

Until two weeks ago, when you had no longer been able to contain yourself and had just blurted out the words to him over the phone. “I really want to see you.”

There had been a pause on the other end of the line, before he had found his voice again. “I’d like that too.”

“You could come over, if you want,” you had offered shyly. 

The bus zips along the coastline and then climbs along the road through the mountains, towards the central part of the island. Your heart starts beating faster as you see the signs directing towards the airport. You check your watch. You are a bit early, but you prefer to be on time. You don’t like the thought of him waiting for you. 

The parking lot in front of the airport is packed with busses, taxis, and cars. People are milling about, pulling suitcases along with them to their destined vehicle. Others set course for the entrance, tanned and rested from their vacation. The cacophony of sounds greets you as you step out of the bus and into the heat. There is less wind on the central part of the island so the shade is the only place you can go to cool down. 

You walk leisurely, a small smile on your face as you make your way to the arrival hall. It isn’t a big space, but it is filled with people. Tour operators hold signs up in the air, and the murmur of conversations surrounds you. You halt close to the doors that separate the arrival hall from the space that holds the luggage belts. You check the screens above the door and see that the flight from Brussels has already landed. _Luggage on luggage belt. _

He is a bit early too then. 

You worry your bottom lip with your teeth as you wait, wondering what it will be like to see him again. Will he notice your different state of mind? Has he changed? But most importantly, how will you feel when you see him? You take a deep breath to calm your raging nerves and force yourself to relax your shoulders. It will not do you any good if you look like a frightened rabbit. 

One by one, people come pouring out of the doors. Despite all your determination to stay calm, your heart starts beating wildly. You move forward, so you are able to see better when he comes out. It takes a while, and for a moment you are afraid that he has changed his mind about coming here. You are quick to kill that idea immediately. Wufei always sticks to his word. He won’t back out. 

Your breath hitches when you finally see him. He is dressed in dark jeans and a grey t-shirt, a duffel bag casually slung over his shoulder. He looks _good_. You feel heat slam down deep into your belly and swallow thickly at your body’s violent reaction to his appearance. His skin is tanned, his hair longer than you remember. He has pulled it away from his face, leaving the rest to hang down around his shoulders. Aviator sunglasses are casually hooked onto the collar of his shirt.

And then he looks up and stops dead in his tracks.

You regard each other in silence, his gaze quickly taking in your appearance. You feel warm under his look, see how he noticed the dress, the strappy sandals, the tattoo on your wrist. And then his gaze locks onto yours. And you just _know._

You rush forward and grasp onto his shirt as you reach him. You bury your face in his chest and sob as his arms come to wrap around you. 

“Wufei…” you breathe when he buries his face in your hair. 

You hold onto him tightly, as if you are afraid he might disappear any moment. You can feel his heart beating rapidly against your fingers, in a same kind of gallop as your own. His arms feel strong and secure around you, reminding you of how safe he can make you feel. You are so glad that hasn’t changed. You feel his lips press against your temple and sigh at the tender touch. 

You pull back slightly to look up at him and smile. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” he says while tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear. “You look good.”

“Thanks.” Your smile turns pleased. “You too.”

He reaches for your hand and entwines his fingers with yours. “So… Where to?”

“The bus station is that way,” you say while gesturing with your free hand. 

You give a tug on his hand, enjoying the familiar feeling of his callused skin against yours, and lead him out of the arrival hall. The bus will be leaving soon, so you quickly navigate through the tourists and laugh breathlessly when you finally reach the stop and see the bus pulling up.

“Just in time,” you say with a grin. “It takes about half an hour to reach my house.”

He follows you inside and insists on paying for your tickets, and you let him. You are too happy to see him to have petty arguments about money. You find two empty seats and lean your head against his shoulder when he sits down next to you. 

“I’m so happy that you’re here,” you tell him quietly, while reaching for his hand. “I’ve missed you.”

He drops a kiss on top of your head. “I’ve missed you too. I’m glad to see that you’re doing okay.”

“More than okay,” you tell him with a smile. “I’m happy here.”

He gives your hand a squeeze, his lips twitching into a small smile as well. “Good. I worried about you, you know.”

“I know. More than you let on,” you say. “Heero told me.”

He snorts and rolls his eyes. “Can’t keep anything to himself these days.”

You laugh. “He just loves to gossip, doesn’t he?”

He gives you a fond look. “I don’t mind. You knowing about it, I mean.”

The warmth in his eyes is the same as a year ago. It is such a relief to see it, to know that you can still rely on him. Being close to him is as natural as breathing, it seems. The connection is still as strong. And now that the traumatic events of the year before have moved to the background, you can fully enjoy that closeness. It has to be the same for him, you know. Wufei isn’t the type to hold onto you if he doesn’t mean it. So you rest your head against his shoulder again and sigh contently. 

The silence between the two of you is comfortable. His body is warm and firm next to yours and his scent fills your nostrils with every breath you take. In the safety of his nearness you allow yourself to visit your lingering feelings for him. 

You had struggled with them in the beginning. There had been times when you had declared yourself insane for walking away from him. It had been hard, but you still believe you had made the right choice. Leaving had been your only option. Your therapy session has made that very clear to you, as once you were free of the distraction that Wufei provided, you had been able to focus on facing your demons. But Michael had also taught you not to run and so you had invited Wufei. You’ll see where things will lead. 

“You choose a beautiful place to live,” Wufei comments as the bus reaches the beach road.

You smile. “It’s such a carefree place. Exactly what I needed. I have discovered so many beautiful areas that inspired me to paint.”

“I can imagine,” he murmurs. “How is that coming along?”

You grin. “I have an agent on the mainland now. He wrings a load of money out of rich people’s pockets, so I’m doing pretty well.”

He chuckles. “I see. What do you paint?”

You shrug. “Landscapes, street scenes, people. Life, I guess.”

But there are other paintings as well. Those are much more personal and part of your healing process. You had kept all the canvasses you had created over the past year, even the dark ones. You are planning an exposition to show them once you think yourself fully healed. The idea that people will get such an intimate glimpse into your mind doesn’t frighten you in the least. This has been your journey. You will gladly show it if it meant it would help others. 

The bus reaches your stop and you reach for Wufei’s hand when you step out of the bus. It is a short walk to your house from the bus stop and you smile when Wufei stops to take in the sight of your house. It sprawls over neatly kept ground, surrounded by a colorful garden. There is no gate surrounding it, leaving you free to wander towards the shoreline and the blue water of the sea stretching beyond it. It had become your haven, your safe place. 

The outer walls are painted a warm yellow to set off the charming brick color of the roof tiles. Colorful Bougainville climbs along the trellises that line the wall, surrounding the front porch with clashes of fuchsia and purple. The heady smell of the oleander bushes that line the path greet you as you set course for the front door. Wufei follows you in and you notice how he takes his time to look around. His gaze is drawn to the view of the beach and the sea that the windows provide. 

“So… What do you think?” you ask him as he stops in front of the windows. 

From the back door, a cozy patio gives way to a swimming pool and a lush lawn with a comfortable canopied lounge bed. 

Wufei gives you a slight smile. “Nice place.”

You grin back at him. “I know right. Come on, I’ll show you your room.”

You take him upstairs to one of the guest bed rooms. You have turned one into your studio, but the one next to yours offers a pretty view of the sea. It has its own bathroom and a balcony with a cozy set of chairs. 

You smile when Wufei puts his duffel down on the bed. “I’ll be outside.”

“Doing what?” he asks.

You grin. “Chilling.”

He rolls his eyes, and the familiarity makes you chuckle. This seems a lot like your old banter, before that terrible mission that changed everything. You step away from the door and make your way downstairs. 

You open the backdoor and take off your sandals, humming to yourself as you step outside. The stones of the patio are warm beneath your feet as you cross it towards the lawn and the lounge bed. You stretch out on your back, enjoying the sea breeze that plays with your hair. You lie staring up at the sky through the gauzy white fabric above you and allow a small smile to form.

It feels good to see him again. And now that you are alone you can think back to the moment he had come walking out of the terminal. You quietly analyze the feelings that had coursed through you. You recall the heat in your belly, the need to be in his arms again. The warmth of his embrace had made you feel so wonderful. A year ago these feelings had made you bolt from Brussels. There had been no place for them in your fragile mind. It had felt like your body and mind betrayed you. But all of that is different now. You are stronger, have come to terms with the disaster. Now, you can accept that you are still attracted to Wufei. 

You hear his footsteps when he comes outside and turn over on your belly to watch him. He has changed into a loose black tank top and denim shorts that end above his knees. His hair is wet from his shower and hangs loose around his face. His dark gaze meets yours as he approaches you and it feels like the moment is rather intimate. 

He climbs onto the lounge bed beside you and stretches out on his side, his elbow supporting his weight. You mimic his posture and smile at him.

“What were you thinking about?” he asks.

“I was thinking how good it feels to see you again,” you tell him. 

Honesty had always been the driving force in your relationship with him. Even when it had been platonic, as partners, you had always been honest about everything. Wufei held honesty in high regard and you had gained his respect by never hiding your thoughts from him. Even now, you keep that up. You will always be open and truthful with him. 

A small smile comes to play over his face. “I see.”

“Leaving Brussels was hard but I really had to, you know.”

“I know.” He is silent for a while. “It wasn’t until after you were gone that I realized how much the mission had affected me.”

A frown forms on your face. “What do you mean?”

He reaches for your hand and you allow him to take it. A year ago, you had craved contact when you had talked to him. He needs it too. 

“I’m still not cleared for field duty,” he confesses. 

You blink at him in shock. “What?”

“I… I had some sort of melt down, about a month after you left.”

He hadn’t told you this before and that hurts. But you also understand. He hadn’t wanted you to worry about him when there had been so much for you to focus on. And you can understand the embarrassment, the shame that he obviously still feels about it. 

“What happened?” you ask quietly. 

“They brought in some suspects and Une asked me to join her during the interrogation. One of them… he made some crude remarks about her and I snapped.” His eyes get a distant expression, as if he is seeing every flash of the memory passing by. “I broke his arm. Heero dragged me away before I could do worse damage.”

You give his hand a squeeze. “I’m sorry. I wish I could have been there for you.”

He shrugs. “You needed to find you again.”

“Yeah…” You roll onto your back and stare up at the sky again. “I’m getting there.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“What about you?”

He moves, rolling onto his back as well. You turn your head so you can watch his face. He looks relaxed and happy to be where he is. You both need this. For the next three weeks you will be able to talk, enjoy each other’s company, find some common ground to work from. 

“I’m getting there too,” he says finally. “It wasn’t easy, but I’ve made it so far. And I’d hate to disappoint you.”

“Hmm…” You reach out and curl your fingers around his, your heart skipping a beat when he grips onto them tightly. 

“Lately, I felt the need to get away from everything. I think being here will be good for me.” He sighs. “My shrink says a change of scenery will do me good.”

“Well…” you murmur. “Being here had a very positive effect on me. It’s so relaxing to be here. But because it was is relaxing, I was able to face my demons much better.”

He turns his head to look at you and you nearly drown in the dark, near black intensity of his eyes. You just lie there, staring at each other and you are helpless against the spell that takes hold of you. You don’t dare to move, afraid to break the moment. The silence between the two of you is intense, laden with unasked questions, untold longing. You feel as if you are floating on a gentle river, its waters calm but warm. You bask in it, hold on to it tightly for it feels so precious. 

You don’t need to speak about that dark time a year ago. There will be time for that later. For now, all that important is that he is next to you, and that it feels wonderful to have him here. Your lips twitch into a small smile, the warm look in your eyes forming. When you finally move, you turn over on your side and slide closer to him, wrapping your arm around his waist as you head comes to rest on his chest. 

He sighs, relaxes totally as you press into his side. His arm comes up to wrap around you, firmly keeping you in place. You breathe in deeply, enjoying his scent now fresh after his shower. The steady drum of his heart against your ear beckons you to relax, to drift off. At this moment, you don’t need for anything else but for him to hold you. 

-x-x-x-

“Cara, who is the handsome boy staying with you?” 

“Huh? What?” You turn away from the apples you had been examining and find your neighbor standing behind you. “How are you, Nonna?”

“Very well.” The elderly lady gives you a kind smile. “So… Are you going to tell me?”

Sometimes you really curse her nosiness. You know she means well. Signora Acconci is a warm person, who genuinely cares for you as if you are her own daughter. From the moment you had come to live in the house by the beach, she had been bringing you homemade dinners, had invited you over to her place, had introduced you to people who you now called friends. She truly is a wonderful person, but right now you don’t want to talk about Wufei staying with you. It is something you consider a private matter. It’s none else’s business.

“He’s a friend,” is all you say as you turn back to the apples, selecting a few and putting them in a bag. “He’ll be staying for a few weeks.”

“I see… He arrived yesterday?”

“Yes.” You move on to select a mango and add it to your basket as well. 

“I’d love to meet him. Be sure to bring him along next Sunday.” She pats your arm, before scurrying off into the aisle with spices and herbs. 

You sigh and roll your eyes. Bring Wufei along to a noisy, Italian dinner with family and friends. Some experience that must be for him. And you will have to ward off Alessandro’s obvious flirting, which has been getting on your nerves. You grumble and stomp off to get some croissants. 

Your expression is foul as you walk back to your house, grinding your teeth in frustration. You know that Signora Acconci means well, but now she is expecting you to show up. With Wufei in tow. It will break her heart if you decline. You have four days to prepare Wufei for the nosiness, the totally inappropriate questioning only an old, Italian lady, backed up by equally nosy old friends, can do. 

“Oh well…” you mutter as you stick your key into the lock. 

You open the door and walk inside, noticing the back door is open. You leave your bag with the groceries on the kitchen counter and wander outside, taking off your sandals as you go. The sound of splashing water greets you and you stop dead in your tracks at the sight of Wufei doing laps in the pool. His movements are strong, graceful, and he cuts through the water easily. 

Warmth settles in your belly when he notices you and swims to the side of the pool, resting his arms on the edge. He pushes his wet hair back and gives you a smile. “Hey.”

“Hi.” You move to the pool’s edge and sit down, letting your legs dangle in the water. It’s cool and calms the last remains of your frustration. “Slept well?”

“Yeah…” he says. 

He sounds distracted and reaches for your hand, turning it so he could examine the tattoo on your wrist. The butterfly is delicate and colorful, beautifully done. It’s so detailed that it looks like it could fly off any moment. His thump traces over it and he gives you a questioning look. 

You smile at him. “I got it two months ago… I guess it’s part of my healing process.”

“Is it?” he questions curiously. “Why?”

“It’s a good kind of pain,” you say. “It makes me feel strong when I endure it.”

“I see…”

“The artist, she is really good. I’ve got more…” You carefully lift the hem of your dress, exposing the lower part of your thigh. The delicate, tiny flowers dot the insides of your thighs in an elaborate pattern. “I wanted something to cover the scars.”

His fingers squeeze around yours, his touch reassuring. The scars left by the cigarette burns had faded, leaving faint discolorations on your skin. You had hated the sight of them, had felt insecure when wearing a bathing suit, afraid that people would notice, would question you about them. And so, three months after your arrival on the island you had looked up a local tattoo artist and sat down with her to discuss the idea of covering them with art. The result was a delicate, mysterious pattern of wildflowers, their colors vivid on your skin. 

You let your dress fall back in place and smile at him. “Getting them made me feel a bit more confident about myself.”

He is silent for a while, processing the revelations, and when he speaks he gives you a warm look. “I think you have grown strong, -Y/N-.”

You grin at him. “I like to think so myself.”

He chuckles. “There. That’s my old partner.”

You move to get up. “I brought breakfast. I’ll go and get it so we can eat out here.”

He nods and lets go of you. You head back into the house, uncaring about the wet footprints you leave all over the tiles. You prepare coffee and tea, place the croissants on a plate, and make two glasses of fresh orange juice, before heading outside again. 

Wufei is standing by one of the lounge chairs with his back to you, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. You freeze at the sight of him, feel your throat run dry at the display of muscles moving under golden skin. You take a deep breath before moving to the table and putting the tray down. Just looking at him makes you feel so much, you muse. And it’s no wonder. He is a beautiful man. 

In the past you had seen him without a shirt plenty of times. And during the time in the bunker, you had learned how all those muscles felt underneath his skin. Even now, you can clearly remember and your fingers tingle with a longing to explore. But this time with a different intend. 

He makes his way over to you and this time you freeze for a whole other reason. He notices how your gaze is drawn to the scar on his stomach, the skin covered in scar tissue, slightly red against the golden hue. He places his fingers under your chin and forces you to meet his eyes and when you do your gaze is clouded with memories. 

“I’m sorry…” you whisper. “I didn’t mean to-”

He interrupts you and smiles reassuringly. “It’s okay.”

He presses a kiss against your cheek and the contact makes you sigh. You are fully aware that he is not wearing a shirt and can practically feel the heat radiate off his body. 

“I should have realized it might trigger memories,” he says.

You shake your head and give him a faint smile. “Anything can trigger memories. Any time. And whenever it happens I endure.”

Because enduring means dealing. And you have become better at that. Already, you can feel the tension ease, fueled by his presence.

“And besides. You didn’t freak out when I showed you the tattoos,” you murmur. 

He smiles and nods, before turning towards the table. You sit down as well and rest your chin on your hand as you stare at the shoreline. The sea is calm, the water a stark blue. Sunlight reflects on its surface with a blinding glitter. 

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

“That I might paint the sea like this,” you say wistfully. “It looks so calm today.”

“I saw that little painting you send to Relena for her birthday,” he tells you. “It’s this view, isn’t it?”

You nod and grin. “How did you end up at her place? Forced at gun point?”

He scowls at your teasing and tears into his croissant. “Part of the rehabilitation program. I am not liking it.”

“You’re not liking her,” you correct him with a cheeky smile. 

He grumbles under his breath. “We can’t settle our differences.”

“No,” you agree. Then grin wickedly as you go in for the kill. “You’re both too stubborn for that. But I guess it takes one to know one.”

He glares at you. “Not funny.”

You can’t stop the burst of laughter. “Sorry. It’s just too much fun not to pester you about it.”

He rolls his eyes, but you can see his lips twitching. 

You finish breakfast and then head up to your studio for a painting session. You prepare paints, brushes, take out a clean canvas. You tie your hair back and get to work. As your brush swirls over the canvas, your thoughts drift back to your reaction to seeing Wufei’s scar. It had not been easy to see it, you conclude. The terrible memories had come back to you, flashing before your eyes. You can still clearly remember the dank scent of the bunker, the sweat and body odor of the men around you, the sight of Wufei’s bruised skin and the way his face contorted with pain as they pressed the blisteringly hot knife against his flesh. He had not made a sound, stubborn and proud as he was. 

Your brush comes to a halt against the canvas, and it rests there as you stand staring off into the distance. In your mind, you carefully analyze the memory, allowing yourself to remember how you had felt in that moment. You remember pride and determination, your strict belief in Wufei. Factors that were still in place today. They had made you pull through. 

As if in a haze, you take the canvas of the easel and get out a new one. This time, when you paint, you work frantically. The drive is almost feverish, but your brush is gentle in its creation of an image. You rely on your memory, the little details, and your feelings. And when you’re done you take a step back, breathing fast. You press a hand over your mouth as you stare at your work, suddenly overcome with the enormity of what you had painted. 

From the canvas, Wufei stares back at you. In an instant, you know that this is the best work you have ever done. Your heart had been in it. One hundred percent. You had captured the way he had looked at you as he had come walking into the arrival hall of the airport, the instant that you had just known that you were still lost when it came to him. 

You take a deep breath and squeeze your eyes shut, focusing inwards to where the feelings churn in your gut. You breathe until they calm, until your mind is clear. Then, you methodically clean your brushes, close the window, and lock up the studio, leaving the canvas to dry until the next time you will enter it. You change into yoga pants and a loose top in your room, take your mat, and head outside. 

Wufei is nowhere to be seen as you set course for the sand, spreading out the mat close to the shoreline. You sit down and take a moment to breathe, center yourself. You always do yoga after a particularly intense painting session. With an ease that could only be obtained through endless practice, you move into your first pose, focusing on your breathing and eyes closed in concentration. As you move through positions, you feel your mind relaxing and peacefulness washes over you. Your heart rate slows as your focus solely on the way your body moves. 

You are unaware of Wufei’s approach, until he is standing behind you. 

You grin at him and unfold your body. “Hi.”

“Yoga?” he questions. 

“Hmm…” You sit down and fold your legs, resting your hands on your knees, palms up. “It’s relaxing.”

He grunts in agreement and sits down beside you, mimicking your pose. You close your eyes and focus on your breathing once more, wondering if it would be difficult to meditate with him beside you. You find it easy, although you are aware of him. The way he breathes is a familiar pattern, and you find yourself finding the same calm rhythm. And as you sit next to him, you realize something.

Without opening your eyes, you reach for his hand and entwine your fingers with his. “Back in the cell… you meditated.”

“It was my way of staying sane,” he says easily.

“I didn’t realize before…” you murmur. A faint smile comes to play over your face. “Or how I would mimic your breathing pattern. I can listen to it for hours. It’s soothing.”

And in a way it had kept you sane as well. You lean sideways, until your head is resting against his shoulder. You sigh and relax into him. 

The sun is warm on your back. You idly watch the waves crash against the shore, white crests against wet sand. Further towards the horizon the water glitters like a pretty diamond, almost tangible enough for you to reach out and grasp. You love looking at the sea. On days like these, it’s calm and soothing. On other days, when wind comes pouring in, white foam dances on the waves like fiery horses. Even in storm, when thunder crashes and gusts of wind send the water into a wild dance, you can admire its beauty. 

“We have been invited to dinner on Sunday,” you tell him softly. “My neighbor… she insists I bring you along.”

“Do you want to go?”

“She’ll never forgive me if I don’t show up,” you say with a chuckle. “But she’ll be nosy. She questioned me about you in the supermarket this morning.”

He snorts. “I see.”

“She is old, pretends to be half blind but I can tell she has laser beams for eyes.” You grin and ease back, sitting up straight so you can stretch your arms above your head. “So you can think about it.”

He is watching you with that small smile of his, a fond look in his eyes. “I think I can handle an old, Italian lady.”

“You’re saying that now…” You get up and stretch once again.

Wufei gets up as well and rolls up your yoga mat. Together, you make your way back to the house. You notice the book on the lounge bed and smile at him. You are glad he is obviously at ease in your home and that he doesn’t hesitate to relax. You take the mat from him and tell him you’ll be downstairs again shortly. He makes a beeline for the lounge bed as you slip inside the house to change.

When you emerge again, you have changed into a bikini. There is a confidence in your stride that had been lacking a year before, a sure sign that you feel comfortable in your own skin again. Wufei is deeply engulfed in his book on the lounge bed, lounging about in his swim shorts. Longing stirs deep in your belly when you approach him. You know your cheeks are flushed with it by the time you reach him, and that he can probably see it in your eyes too. 

You crawl onto the bed and stretch out beside him on your back, a sigh escaping you as your body sinks into the comfortable cushions. Wufei tears his attention away from the book when you reach out to turn it in his hand so you can check the cover. 

“You didn’t strike me as the thriller type,” you say.

He shrugs. “Philosophy and history can only hold my attention for so long. Besides, I’m on vacation.”

“Hmm…” You smile. “Is it any good?”

“Adequate.” He earmarks the page and closes the book. “The previous book was better.”

You feign a shocked look. “You read more than one thriller?”

He playfully shoves at your shoulder. “Shut up. If I recall correctly, your choice in reading material is significantly worse than mine.”

You laugh. He had always pestered you about your preference for romance. 

“What bull have you been reading recently?” 

You turn over on your side and grin cheekily. “Some romantic tales with roguish men. One was a very dashing pirate.”

He rolls his eyes and flops down on the lounge bed. “Typical.”

Your grin widens. “The other one could turn into a fire breathing dragon.”

His eyebrow twitches. “I wonder where you get such questionable books from.”

“Signora Acconci has built quite a collection over the years. I get to borrow them from time to time.” You cackle at his horrified expression. “I can just imagine her reading them.”

He groans and shakes his head. “I don’t want to imagine it.”

“Just gets stuck, doesn’t it?” You bat your eyelashes at him, and then squeal when his fingers dig into your side.

You slap at his hand, squirming and laughing. It gets worse when he sits up and leans over you. 

“Give up yet?” he questions with a smirk.

“Not in a million years, Chang!” You squeal again and reach for his sides, but quickly discover he is pretty damn immune to tickling. “Oh, no. No!”

He is grinning at you, his hair falling into his face, looking so damn carefree that your heart nearly explodes with joy at the sight. 

“Face it,” he says, sounding triumphant and snarkily superior. “You can’t win.”

You grin up at him. “Gee… and here I was wondering where you had hidden all that arrogance.”

He snorts and responds by gripping your sides with both hands. You squirm underneath him, laughing uncontrollably. You push at his shoulders, rolling with him and not really realizing how close you are to him. But you do once you see the hunger in his eyes. All at once, his callused hands are like fire against your skin, igniting longing once more. And something else, something much bigger: the part of you that had been locked away for so long, ever since that terrible encounter in the interrogation room in the bunker; the moment that had changed everything.

It’s staggering to realize that you can still want, that you can still burn so fiercely for a man. Your breath catches in your throat when he reaches out and cups your cheek. His thump grazes over your bottom lip and you lay staring up at him with wide, desire filled eyes. For a moment the kiss on the bottom of the steps in front of Preventer flits in your mind. You remember how his lips had felt against your own. The desperation, the need to run. Everything is different now. 

“Kiss me…” you whisper, your hand coming up to slip around his neck. “Please…”

His hand slides into your hair as he leans in. Your heart is beating so fast and the heat in your belly leaves you aching. Your breath stutters when his lips skim over your jaw, tracing an achingly slow path to your mouth. Your eyes drift shut as sensations explode and your body trembles with the force of it. It would be so easy to shift, to take what you need from him. There is no fear, no doubt. Only need. Christ, you could just gobble him up. 

His hair tickles your cheeks when he finally reaches your mouth. The first touch of his lips is tender, and he is no hurry. You reach for his shoulders, grasp them firmly and sigh. He draws back slightly and then takes the plunge. The fire and heat tears a moan from your throat and you take greedy handfuls of his hair, angling your head to reach for more. He teases your lips apart with his tongue, delving in to taste. You meet him halfway, shivering violently when his tongue brushes against yours. There is no room for thought, so you just feel, indulging after months of wondering. The dreams and fantasies fall short in comparison to the real thing. 

He shifts closer to you and you eagerly press yourself against him, against all that strength. Your hands leave his hair to roam over his back. You gasp when he tears his mouth away from yours to bury his face against your throat. 

“I’ve dreamed about it...” you manage to get out. “Of touching you.”

He uses his hold on your hair and slants his mouth over yours again. You can’t stop yourself from touching him. He is so beautiful, always admired from a distance, but now yours to explore. Your fingers slide over strong muscles, covered with soft, supple skin. He is so warm, and pressed against you it only feeds to the inferno in your blood. Liquid heat pours down, settling between your thighs. You pull at his shoulders, yearning to feel his weight on top of your, and gasp when his arousal presses against your hip. Still, there is no fear, just a need for more, more of him, more of the flood of sensations he is making you feel. You want to feel swamped, left without any sense of place and time. You shift restlessly beneath him. 

“Easy…” he murmurs, drawing back from the kiss to look at you. 

Your heart is beating so wildly that it’s pounding in your head. You reach for him, near desperation. “Please, I…”

He cups your cheek and rests his forehead against yours. “Easy… We have all the time in the world.”

He is struggling to catch his breath, and you are quick to realize that his heart is beating as fiercely as your own. You reach up to smooth his hair and smile when he opens his eyes to look at you. 

“I’m sorry,” he says softly.

“For what?” you question with a laugh. “For kissing me stupid?”

His teeth flash when he grins. “So that was all it took?”

“Har har…” You halfheartedly slap his shoulder. 

“What I meant,” he says while lying down next to you on his side, “is that I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand so quickly.”

“Well…” you murmur. “I’m not sorry about that.”

He snorts and pulls you against him, your back to his chest. His arm lock around your waist and he buries his face in your hair with a content sigh.

“I missed this,” he says quietly. “Being able to hold you.”

The quiet confession makes your heart flutter. A happy smile forms on your face. And you know he is right. You have all the time in the world.

-x-x-x-

The days that follow are quiet and peaceful. He doesn’t kiss you again, but his affection is apparent in the way he touches you, the way he holds you as you lie entwined on the lounge bed together, or when he reaches for your hand as you walk to the village. It’s in his eyes too. It makes you feel precious. It makes you wonder. Would it be possible now? Now that you have come to terms with the awful disaster? 

Would you be willing to try? 

You spend hours talking, and you tell him about the therapy, the challenges you faced the past year. He listens patiently and then reciprocates by telling you of his own experiences. It breaks your heart to hear how he had to struggle. How much he blamed himself for what had happened and how he had come to terms with it. You both have come a long way. 

Sunday comes rolling along, and you prepare yourself for the questions, the nosiness, and the curiosity. Alessandro. You prepare as you always do, pick strawberries from your back yard, select a few bottles of good wine from the cellar. You shower, apply make-up and dress with care. 

The dress is dreamy, cascading to the floor in a tumble of light blue silk. Your hair is pinned back from your face, careless waves falling down your back to nip at your waist. 

After your arrival on the island, you had toyed with the idea of cutting it off. No man was to control you again by being able to grab it. It had been Signora’s Acconci who had made you able to appreciate it again. She had loved to braid it, claiming it made her reminiscing about the old days when she got to do her daughters’ hair. The way she had brushed out the knots had been soothing, calming you in ways you hadn’t thought possible. And so you had let the old lady have her way, keeping your hair long, and letting it grow even longer.

You step into the wedged sandals and collect your purse before venturing downstairs. Wufei is waiting for you in the living room and gives you an appreciative smile when he sees you. 

“You look beautiful,” he tells you. 

“Thanks.” 

You reach for the basket with strawberries and wine on the dining table, but he beats you to it. “I’ll carry this.”

“Alright.”

You leave the house through the back door and reach for his hand as you stroll along the shoreline to Signora Acconci´s house. The sun has yet to start dipping towards the horizon and is warm on your back as you walk. 

“Do you go over for dinner often?” Wufei asks.

“Almost every week.” 

“So you don’t actually mind the nosiness.”

You chuckle. “Not really. I know she means well.”

“I’m glad to know she looks out for you.” He gives your hand a gentle squeeze.

You tighten your grip on his fingers and look up at him. He is gazing ahead, looking so breathtakingly gorgeous with the sun catching on his hair. You tug on his hand, pulling him to a halt and smile at him when he turns to give you a questioning look. You move in, wrapping your arms around his waist and hug him. He makes a content sound in the back of his throat and wraps his free arm around you. When he kisses the top of your head, you tighten your grip on him. It is so wonderful to have him here, you think. To be with him. 

There is no need to speak, so you just feel. You bury your face against his shoulder and breathe in his scent deeply. The past few days you have been tempted to ask him to sleep next to you, so you could bury yourself in that delicious smell. Tonight, you think with a small smile, you will ask him. 

“We’re going to be late,” he murmurs into your hair. 

You reluctantly pull away, but not before leaning in to kiss his cheek. You continue on your way and soon, Signora Acconci’s home comes into view. It’s a charming, but grand stone house, sprawling over grounds filled with flowers and trees. The large patio is already full of people, her children, grandchildren, sisters, nieces and nephews. The Acconci’s are a large family and noisy. The laughter and shouts of children reaches you first.

You wave as you approach the house and grin at the children that give you owlish stares. “They are a little shy around strangers.”

Wufei chuckles and follows you onto the patio. Signora Acconci is sitting at the table, a glass of deep red wine in her hand. She calls out as you approach her.

“There you are, Cara!” She squirms out of her seat and holds out her arms in welcome.

You hug her and kiss her wrinkled cheek. “I brought you strawberries and wine.”

“How nice of you.” She smiles and then turns to Wufei. “Aah… Such a handsome man.”

You hide your grin behind your hand as she shamelessly gives Wufei a once over. She clucks her tongue. “You have good taste.”

“I like to think so,” you say with a laugh. 

Wufei narrows his eyes at you. 

“It is nice to meet you. Everybody calls me Nonna. You may too.” 

“It’s a pleasure,” Wufei says easily. “My name is Wufei.”

“Have some wine,” Signora Acconci says. “And enjoy yourselves. My daughters should have dinner ready soon.”

You reach for Wufei’s hand and lead him into the house. You easily find your way to the large kitchen, where a small army of women is busy preparing dinner. They are laughing and shouting at each other in Italian. The scene is so homey and warm that you smile and spontaneously kiss the first cheek you see. 

“Hello Laura.”

“Ciao. Have some wine.”

“Nonna told me,” you say with a grin and reach for the large refrigerator. 

You take out a bottle of wine and pour two glasses. You hand one to Wufei and reach to take the basket from him. Just as you are about to set it down on the counter, Alessando comes walking in. You inwardly groan and give him a smile.

“Cara,” he says charmingly, while leaning in to kiss your cheek. “I missed you last Sunday.”

You shrug. “I was busy.”

He is a year older than you and has classic Italian looks and the smooth talk to match. You would have enjoyed the flirtation is he hadn’t been so insistent on having you. You curiously watch as he turns to Wufei. 

“And who is this?” he asks you cautiously.

“This is Wufei,” you say with a smile, while slipping under Wufei’s arm. “He is here on vacation and staying with me.”

“I see.” Alessandro shakes Wufei’s hand, but you can see he is a little peeved. 

You take Wufei’s hand and pull him with you. “We’ll be outside.”

“What’s his deal?” Wufei ask as you find an empty bench along the edge of the patio.

You shrug. “He wants me, but I don’t want him.”

Wufei sips his wine and leans back, resting his arm on the back of the bench. You lean against his side and sip from your own glass. 

“It gets a little annoying sometimes,” you say. “He doesn’t seem to understand that I want to be left alone.”

“So… there hasn’t been anyone since you arrived here?”

“No.” You smile around the rim of your glass. “What about you?”

He shakes his head. 

You rest your head against his shoulder and sigh happily. Secretly, you are happy that there hasn’t been another woman in his life. It is as if the both of you held out for each other. 

Dinner is served, and you join the family at the table. Alessandro insists on sitting next to you, which causes you to barely contain an eye roll. He is already on his third glass of wine, and takes no heed of personal space. It makes you feel uncomfortable enough to pick at your food, something Wufei notices. He reaches for your hand and gives it a squeeze. You give him a fleeting smile and try to ignore your other neighbor as best as you can. 

“Look, Cara…” Alessandro whispers. “I don’t see why you had to bring him here.”

“He is my guest and your grandmother insisted I’d bring him.” You regret coming to dinner at this point. 

“Why is he at your place, huh?”

“None of your business,” you hiss. 

You catch Signora Acconci’s worried look. 

“Now, Cara…” He places his hand on your thigh and squeezes. “Don’t be so rude. You know I’m-.”

“Shut up,” you snap, bolting up. “Just shut up.”

A deadly silence falls over the people gathered and you can feel their stares. Curiosity, maybe shock. You don’t care as all you want to do is get away as quickly as possible. You are quick to leave the table, panic settling in your stomach. 

“-Y/N-!” Wufei gets up too and follows you. 

You halt as you reach the shoreline and bury both your hands in your hair. Your eyes are wide, clouded with terrible memories. God… Why did this have to happen? You are breathing hard, the panic far greater than you can control. Wufei… You need Wufei. You turn around and run to him, grasping his shirt and burying your face in his chest as you gasp for oxygen. 

“I’m here,” he murmurs into your hair. “I’m here.”

His arms encircle you. Safe… Oh, he feels so safe. You huddle in his embrace, try to get your breathing under control. 

“I’m sorry,” you manage to get out.

“Shh…” He reached up to stroke your hair, smoothing the locks disheveled by your own hands. “It’s okay. I’m taking you home.”

You nod and cling to him as he leads you down the shoreline in the direction of your home. You are silent on the way, your mind swirling with memories, emotions, it’s almost too much too handle. Wufei takes your purse and digs out your keys, opening the back door of the house. 

“He... he’s never gone this far before,” you say.

“You’re not going to make excuses for him,” Wufei utters. His tone is gruff with repressed anger. “He had no right to treat you in the way that he did.”

You shake your head. “No he didn’t. I’m so glad you came after me.”

He takes a deep breath and turns to face you. He is still angry, you can tell. The vicious need to strike, to protect, is still bubbling beneath the surface, no matter how ruthlessly he tries to control it. This is Wufei’s trauma, you realize. He had been powerless to protect you before. Now he wasn’t, but he still feels the helplessness. And when he feels helpless, he snaps. Just like in the interrogation room with Une. You reach for him, stroking your hands up and down his arms in an attempt to soothe. But he only snarls and breaks away, pacing up and down your living room. You are reminded of a caged animal, prowling back and forth. The look in his eyes tears at your heart and makes fear churn in your stomach.

“Wufei,” you say softly. “Wufei, you’re scaring me.”

He stops and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry.”

You shake your head and attempt a small smile. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” He sighs. “I should have realized this might happen. I’m not the safest person to be around when I’m like this.”

You swallow thickly. “I know you’d never hurt me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I trust you.”

“I don’t even trust myself.” He storms over to the window, still full of restless energy. He stands glaring outside in silence. After a while, he speaks again. “Why did you ask me to come here?”

You bite your lip, contemplating how to answer him. You search for the words carefully.

But it takes too long for him. “Did you think I would be safe to experiment with?”

“What?” Your eyes widen with shock at his question. Something is wrong. Terribly wrong.

He turns around, glaring at you. “That’s it, isn’t it? You want to see if you can be with somebody again.”

What is he getting at? 

“Well, I won’t be used.”

You stare at him, hurt, confused. You don’t know what to say. 

He scoffs and heads in the direction of the hallway. “I’ll gather my stuff.”

How could he do this? Comfort you one moment, and then blame you for everything? What was going on? Was he purposefully trying to hurt you to protect himself? To protect you… you realize. He doesn’t trust himself not to hurt you. 

You storm after him, race up the stairs. You find him in the guest room, ruthlessly packing his clothes. 

“What the fuck is this?” you snap at him. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Packing.”

“Wufei…” You approach him, carefully reach for his hand. He tries to pull it back, but you hold on tightly, refusing to let go. “This isn’t necessary.”

He glares at you, but remains stubbornly silent.

You attempt a small smile. “I get that you want to protect me. But you won’t be doing that when you’re closing yourself off from me. I don’t want you to, so that won’t work. The reason I asked you to come here was because I wanted to see you. To figure out if I still felt as strongly about you as I did before.”

His expression softens, and he reaches out to touch your cheek. “-Y/N-…”

You feel the telltale burning of tears behind your eyes, and blink rapidly to keep them at bay. You don’t want to cry. But the tears are stubborn and make your eyes swim.

“And I still do… Don’t leave,” you whisper. “Whatever you do, don’t leave.”

When he pulls you closer, you are prepared for it. You meet his mouth, bury your hands in his hair, and sigh. The way he kisses you is not the same as on the lounge bed. It’s not the passionate fury of that kiss. Instead, it’s tender, so gentle. You press closer to him, rising up on your toes as he snugly wraps an arm around your waist. 

“Stay…” you plead as he breaks the kiss to trail a path over your cheek to your jaw. 

“I won’t leave,” he promises. 

You use your grip on his hair to bring his head down, and kiss him again. You need to kiss him, feel him pressed against you, to never let him go. Desire burns in your belly and it’s kindled when he deepens the kiss. All of a sudden the heat is there and it threatens to swallow you up. The moan escapes you before you can stop it. He pulls back to gaze at you, and you can see that your need is reflected in his eyes. 

You reach for his hand, press your lips against his fingers, and then step back, pulling him with you. He follows wordlessly, doesn’t hesitate when you open the door to your bedroom and take him inside. But when you reach for him again, he speaks up.

“Are you sure?” he asks, while taking a lock of your hair, giving it a gentle tug. 

Yes. Yes, you’re sure. You place your hand over his heart, feel the wild gallop of it beneath your fingertips. You know he’ll fight to be gentle, but you don’t fear his loss of control. You want it, crave it. You need the frenzied meeting of bodies, to be possessed by him, to feel all that hard, male strength. And so you give him a smile, and lean in to nip on his bottom lip. 

He growls and takes your mouth again. The kiss is heated and slick, leaving your mind numb. His hands slide down your back, almost possessively, and you gasp when he yanks you flush against him. The bulge in his jeans is unmistakable, and you grasp at thin threats of control as your mind spins. Before, your longing for him had been almost innocent. But now it wasn’t. Oh God, it was anything but. 

“Wufei…” you gasp when he picks you up. 

The tumble to the bed is wild, glorious. You kick off your sandals and wrap your legs around his waist, straining against him as his mouth trails a searing path down your throat. _Yes, yes, yes…_ you mind chants. You had been waiting for this, ever since he kissed you on the lounge bed, ever since you walked away from him in Brussels. You had needed the distance then, but now… Now you are ready. All your past hesitations, fears, and doubts are forgotten. There is only here, only now.

Your hands find the buttons of his shirt and work feverishly to undo them, freeing glorious, golden skin to your wandering fingers. He sits up to shrug out of the shirt and you follow him up, meeting his gaze as you gently press your fingers against the scarred flesh on his stomach. He freezes and you see the hesitation, the concern in his eyes. Before, seeing the scar had triggered memories, but now you refuse to let them surface. You know he is worried, and you put that to rest by leaning down to gently press your lips against the scar. His breath hitches and his fingers bury in your hair. His skin is warm under your mouth and you explore eagerly. The ridges between his abs are addicting, the sounds you manage to coax from him empowering. 

And it only gets worse when he demands you to meet his mouth again, and starts peeling away your clothes. So much worse when he forces your knees apart and slips between them to press his lips against the pattern of flowers that he finds there. Your control slips and you stumble over the first, staggering peak when he pulls your hips up and uses that mouth on you. It’s liberating in more ways than one. Desperate, you pull him up, fight with the button of his jeans and the zipper. 

“Now, now, now,” you chant as you finally manage to push them down his hips. 

He struggles for control as much as you do, and is as powerless as you to resist the urgency. He kicks of his jeans and underwear and yanks you towards him. There is no room for dark memories as he slips inside of you, burying himself to the hilt in one smooth trust. Your back arches, your body demanding on its own. Fingers entwine as you find a rhythm, mouths meet. The fire in his eyes is almost enough to send you into a frenzy. He is burning for you. Only you. And lost in passion, he is wildly beautiful. 

The slide of skin against skin becomes slick as a passionate dew covers your body and his, and you can’t resist sliding your hands over his back, over strong shoulders, grasping on tightly as he steadily sends you up again. You can’t think. It’s all primal, violent need. You lock yourself around him, meet him trust for greedy trust. Mindless, you let go and your body shatters underneath him. He groans and buries himself deep, and you feel him pour into you. 

Limp, absolutely boneless, you lie on the bed. Your first thought is that you can’t wait to have him like this again. You take a deep, shuddering breath and turn your face to nuzzle his neck. He stirs and pushes himself onto his elbows to look at you. You cup his cheek and smile at him. 

“I meant to take it slow,” he says, almost apologetically.

Your smile widens. “I didn’t need slow.”

He smirks, and the twist of his lips is damned sexy, combined with his heavy lidded stare. “I gathered as much. We can always do slow later.”

He leans in for a tender kiss, and rolls onto his back, taking you with him so you lie draped over him. You keep your mouth pressed to his, sigh as the kiss deepens. It’s lazy, but still manages to send tingles through your body because of the lingering passion. His fingers caress over your cheek when you pull back to smile at him.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs, appreciatively. 

“You think?” you ask him with a cheeky smile. 

“Hmm…” He nuzzles along your jawline and finds your ear, tugging at the lobe with his teeth. “Beautiful face, beautiful mind, beautiful body. I could go on…”

You grin and sit up, loving the way his eyes rave over all the exposed skin before coming to rest on your face. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you murmur huskily, while trailing your hands over his chest and down, over well-defined abs. “I never allowed myself to think about you in this way, but now… I can’t stop.”

He sits up as well and buries a hand in your hair, using it to pull you close for a kiss. It rekindles need and soon you find yourself straddling his hips. 

“Slow this time,” he growls against your throat. 

The torture of it is exquisite. He is gentle, tender, stunningly thorough in loving you. And he gives you room to explore, to discover. It has never been like this, you muse. Not with any other man you had taken to bed before. And when he slips inside of you and his gaze meets yours, you see that stunned wonder in those near black eyes that tells you he is feeling it too. The connection is almost tangible. 

Deeply touched, you wrap yourself around him and let him send you flying.

-x-x-x-

“Could it be possible to become addicted to sex?”

“What?!?” The shock is so apparent it makes you burst out laughing. 

“Could you become addicted to sex?” you ask again. 

Relena is quick to recover, and the sly tone of voice she uses makes you think of Dorothy Catalonia. None would guess that the politically correct façade of Relena Darlian, hides a devious and sly personality. And you love that about her. Idly you wonder if the Dorothy is in the same room, and furiously hope she is not. If she catches on, all of Brussels would know about you and Wufei.

“So it happened,” Relena drawls. “About time.”

You chuckle and fall back on the lounge bed, stretching out comfortably. “It did.”

“Did it make you feel uncomfortable?” Her concern is clear over the phone line. 

“No. God no… He didn’t give me time to think of anything but him.” A smile forms on your face and lie staring up at the sky like a love struck teenager. “And… I can’t get enough of him.”

That is a complete truth. The past few days, you had been unable to behave yourself. Wufei had awakened a side of you that had been dormant for a long time. And it seemed more intense and stronger than ever before. You had never been this passionate with anyone. Sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if you had never gone on that disastrous mission. If it hadn’t happened, would you and Wufei have gotten together in the end? 

“Well… he is a gorgeous man, so I can totally understand that,” Relena says. “But I wish you luck in dealing with that rotten personality.”

“I’m so glad I don’t have to fight you for him,” you say dryly. “Seems like the hate is still mutual.”

She laughs. “Still is. But I am glad he is there for you.”

“Yeah… me too.”

“I worried about you a lot, you know,” she murmurs. “You’re all by yourself on that island.”

“Hmm…”You roll onto your stomach and watch Wufei come out of the house. He has returned from his trip to the supermarket. “But I’m okay here.”

“I know. You’re incredibly strong.” You can hear the smile in her voice. “I gotta go. Say hi to Wufei for me.”

You chuckle. “I will.”

You hang up and smile at Wufei as he comes to sit down next to you. After almost a week, it still takes you by surprise how much you long for him. You sit up and catch his mouth in a kiss and sigh as he pulls you into his arms. When you surface, you find yourself in his lap. 

“What are you doing to me?” you wonder out loud while tightening your grip on him. 

There’s a small smile playing around his lips. “Hmm?”

“It’s never been like this before…” you whisper, before capturing his mouth again. 

It’s a little scary to talk about how he makes you feel. It’s so big. So unphantomably big. You almost don’t dare to think about it. Accepting that you are still attracted to him is one thing, but accepting that you want to be with him… You aren’t ready for that yet. You live here, on the island. He has his life in Brussels. In less than ten days he will leave. 

You will deal with that when the time comes. For now, you’ll just enjoy what he offers you. 

“I’ll go and make lunch,” you murmur with a smile, before scrambling up.

He follows you into the house. His eyes are dark with desire, you notice, and that sends a wicked thrill through you. It’s good to know that you can do that to him too. You gasp when he catches up with you and winds a strong arm around your waist, pulling you back against him. 

“I wasn’t done with you,” he tells you, before his mouth latches onto the sensitive skin behind your ear.

You shiver and lean back into him. “Weren’t you?”

“No…” He chuckles. “I think I’ll have you for lunch.”

He uses his hold on your waist to turn you and pushes you against the dining table. His erection is evident against your backside. For a moment, you freeze. It’s too familiar… too confronting to be in this position. 

He growls when he notices your hesitation. “No.” His tone is dark, sensual. “Only me. There’s only me here.”

His words make a shiver travel down your spine and every sliver of bad memories abruptly flees your mind. He is right. It’s only him. And you trust him. You brace yourself against the table, arch your back when his hand slides along your spine. A trembling breath escapes you as you focus on the sensations, the feeling of that rock hard body pressing into you, the burn of desire in your belly.

“Wufei…”

“Shh…” He brings his hand up to grasp your chin, turning your head so he can kiss you. 

His mouth is demanding, taking up your absolute focus, and you welcome the taste of him with a moan. You raise one of your hands and bury it in his hair. Satisfied that he has your complete attention, he lets go of your chin and lets his fingers trail down your throat to the neckline of your dress. Nimble fingers push the straps from your shoulders, freeing your breasts to his callused hands. You arch into him and moan, breaking away from the kiss to gasp for some much needed air. His mouth finds the sensitive skin behind your ear again and the hand around your waist slides down to pull the fabric of your dress up. 

It’s like the other times, passionate, earth shattering. But it’s also different. It’s a turning point for you and he realizes it as well. If you can allow yourself to trust him like this, to open up to him like this, you’ve worked through the trauma completely. He makes sure that dark memories have no place in this encounter, his touch and lips against your skin gentle, tender. He takes his time, his fingers entwining with yours when he finally slides inside of you. His face is buried in your neck, his breath caressing over passion dampened skin. 

“Only me,” he repeats huskily.

You nod helplessly, pressing back against him. You had no idea how much you needed him to do this, to show you that this was still possible and you love him for it.

You love him. 

The realization swamps you and you feel tears burning in your eyes as he sends you over the edge and into oblivion. 

-x-x-x-

It shouldn’t be terrifying. But as the days pass and Wufei’s departure date approaches, it becomes so. You are afraid to be alone again. In the short span of three weeks, you had come to depend on him again, and on a much deeper level than before. You know you will no longer be complete without him. But could you give up your island? Or could he give up Brussels? It would be unfair to ask him to stay, to give up his work, his life there. Wufei is proud of being a Preventer. And you need the island. It was your safe haven, a place that calms you, even validates you. Here you have rediscovered yourself. You aren’t sure if you are ready to give it up.

You sigh and burrow deeper into Wufei’s embrace, not willing to face the situation, but also knowing you can no longer avoid it. The rain is beating against the windows, almost echoing your melancholy. The sheets are a rumpled tangle around your legs. The air in the room had become humid with the rain’s approach and now is slowly cooling down again. But you need nothing but Wufei to keep you warm. His breathing is slow and even in sleep.

“I wish you could stay…” you whisper into his chest. “How am I supposed to let you go now?”

You squeeze your eyes shut and breathe in deeply. His scent fills your nostrils, familiar and trusted, but now a combination with lingering passion. It’s branded in your memory, much like the way he had smelled in the bunker, sweat, blood, and violence, and just after your return to the base, shower gel and after shave, and something uniquely him. 

Very carefully, you slip out of bed and pull on your silk robe. You quietly leave the room, only to return with your sketchbook and pencils. You sit down in the window seat and watch your slumbering lover, taking in the way he looks and committing it to memory. 

Your pencil touches the paper and you focus on your work, sketching, blending shadows, and lovingly catching the angles of his face. You capture the way the light plays over his skin, and as the rain stops and the sun breaks through, he seems to glow. You sigh and sit back to admire him and then compare the vision he creates to what you have captured on paper. You’ll have at least this, another precious memory captured. You have made plenty of sketches of him the past two weeks, without him noticing.

You close the sketchbook and go back to the bed, a smile playing over your face as you reach out to touch his cheek. He comes awake with a sigh and reaches up to grasp your wrist, pressing his cheek into your hand. 

“Why are you awake?” he asks.

“I couldn’t sleep,” you murmur before leaning down to kiss him.

You settle in his arms again and sigh contently. You push all thoughts about him leaving, all your fears and doubts to the back of your mind. You’ll forget about it for a little while longer. You don’t want to spoil things.

But that comes crashing down around you soon enough as just a few days later, Wufei breaches the subject.

“What will become of us?”

“Hmm?” You open your eyes and gaze up at him.

You are on the lounge bed, stretched out on your back next to him, while he sits staring at the shore. His posture is less relaxed than usual, and you bite your lip as the first wave of nervousness washes over you. 

“We’ve been avoiding this conversation,” he says quietly, and his gaze comes to rest on you. “I think it’s time we had it.”

You sit up and pull your knees up to your chest. “You’re right.”

He is silent for a while. Your gut churns with fear and nerves. 

“What do you expect of me?” he asks.

You shrug, hoping to give off a casual look because you don’t want him to know how scared you are. “I don’t know…”

He frowns at your answer. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

You bite your lip. Honesty. Honesty is important. “What to expect. I’m not yet ready to give up my life here… Should I ask you to give up yours?”

He falls silent and sits staring off into the distance. “I see.”

You sigh. “I’m sorry…”

He gets up and shakes his head. “Never mind. I…I’ll get my stuff and go.”

Your heart thuds painfully in your chest and you’re up the next instant. “What?”

“I think it’s best if I leave.” His tone is distant and cool, devoid of anger.

It’s so much worse. You could have handled anger. But the way he looks at you breaks your heart. You stubbornly fight the tears and reach for him. “Wufei… Please, don’t do this.”

“Give me one good reason why I should stay.”

Your mouth falls open in shock. The tears cascade down your cheeks as you stare at his retreating back. Your knees buckle and you sink to the ground, too overcome to function any longer.

He sees no reason to stay… He doesn’t love you. You had withheld the words from him, wanting to know how he felt about you first, but it seems his feelings don’t run deeper than friendship and lust. You shake your head wildly, not willing to believe that he would use you that easily. It can’t be. But he had just walked away from you. You sob and press a hand over your mouth. This wasn’t how you had wanted this to end. You had envisioned a few more peaceful days, a friendly conversation… parting ways on good terms. And maybe in a few months or so, you would have gone to Brussels to see if you could adjust to life there again. 

You hear the honk of a car, and soon the front door opens and slams shut. You bolt up in wild panic and race through the house, throwing open the door. You’re just in time to see the taxi speeding away. 

“No!” The wail that escapes you sounds near inhuman. 

You stand crying as your heart breaks into tiny little pieces. He has left you. Just like that. 

“Cara!” 

You ignore the voice in the distance and continue to look at the road. The taxi is no longer in sight, but you can’t bring yourself to go into the house just yet. Some foolish part of you hopes that he’ll come back. You just have to wait a little longer.

“Cara!” Signora Acconci slips her arm around your waist and ushers you in the direction of the house. “What is the matter?”

“Nonna… H-he left,” you whisper brokenly. “He left.”

“Oh dear…” She makes you sit down at the kitchen table and goes to fix you a glass of water. “What happened?”

You shake your head, still not comprehending what had happened. “We… we were going to discuss this thing between us. I told him I’m not ready to give up my life here yet.”

She clucks her tongue disapprovingly. “Here is just a house, Cara.”

“Are you saying I should go back to Brussels?” you ask her, bewildered and a little shocked that she is scolding you.

“You can always come back every now and then. The house won’t go away,” she says. “But if you let a man like that slip through your fingers…”

“He walked away from me like the past three weeks meant nothing to him!” You break out in tears again and press your hand over your mouth to stifle your sobs. 

“Aah…” Signora Acconci lowers herself down in the chair opposite you and grabs your hand. “Cara… I have seen the way he looks at you. I think you mean the world to him.”

You wipe your cheeks and sigh. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll tell you what.” She gives your hand a squeeze and smiles encouragingly. “You go to the airport and tell him to come back. And once you’re here, you’ll arrange for a flight to Brussels together.”

It sounds so simple when she says it. You’re deadly afraid of rejection. But you know you have to try. And maybe you should take a leap of faith and go back to Brussels. You quickly get up and run upstairs to wash your face. You grab your purse on your way down and give Signora Acconci a small smile. 

“Okay… I’m going.”

“Good. I’ll wait here for you to come back.” She digs a book out of her own purse and settles on your couch. 

You nod and bolt out the door, racing towards the bus stop. You have the schedule memorized and know you won’t have to wait long before it arrives.

As the bus drives along the beach road you worry your bottom lip with your teeth. You don’t know what you’ll do once you find Wufei. You think back to the last words he has spoken to you. You recall the way he had looked at you. His tone had been cool, but his eyes… There had been something… Your eyes widen as you realize you had seen fear in his eyes. He had wanted you to offer him a reason to stay. He had been waiting for you to admit your feelings for him. And you… you had simply taken his words for rejection and hadn’t dared to say anything… 

Stupid! Damn it. You shake your head and bury your face in your hands. You’re an idiot. And you owe Signora Acconci big time for telling you to go after him. You can’t let him get away. 

The bus reaches the airport and you rush inside the departure hall. It’s crowded with people and you feel your hope evaporate. How are you supposed to find him in here? You run for one of the information desks.

The woman working behind the counter gives you a questioning look. “May I help you?”

“Is there a flight leaving for Brussels soon?” you ask her desperately. “I need to know the gate number.”

The woman is silent for a while as she types away behind her computer. When she speaks up again, the words are not what you want to hear. “I’m sorry. The gate has already closed.”

“Please…” you beg her. “The flight needs to be stopped. There’s someone on board that I really need to speak to.”

“I’m sorry, Miss.” She gives you an apologetic look. “I can’t stop the plane.”

All hope abandons you as you realize that you are too late. 

-x-x-x-

When you return to the house, Signora Acconci is fixing dinner in your kitchen. She looks up when you enter and her face falls when she notices that you are alone.

“I was too late,” you say softly.

“Oh Cara…” She gently takes your arm and makes you sit down at the table. “I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head and give her a small smile, before digging a slip of paper out of your purse. “Never mind. My flight leaves tomorrow morning.”

Her eyes light up and she grins at you. “Courageous Cara. You’ll do just fine.”

“I have to.” You sigh and look at the ticket in your hand. “I have to tell him that I love him.”

It’s the first time that you voice those feelings out loud and with them comes a rush of warmth. All of a sudden it’s very clear to you. You’ll be fine with going back to Brussels. You just hope that Wufei will be willing to accept you.

You are barely able to sleep that night, tossing restlessly in bed. Wufei’s scent clinging to the sheets offers you little comfort. You’re up before dawn, packing a suitcase and writing a note for Signora Acconci. She has promised you to look over your house in your absence. You’re sure you’ll be back soon, having to arrange for your things to be shipped to Brussels. But in the meantime, you have more important things to take care of.

You drag your suitcase downstairs and sit waiting for the taxi to come and pick you up. Just as you see it pull up, you suddenly remember something. You dash upstairs for your sketchbook and race downstairs again, just in time for the taxi driver to hit the claxon a second time. You grin sheepishly at him as you step outside and offer him your suitcase. You lock up behind you and sink into the back seat, clutching your purse and your sketchbook to you as the taxi takes off towards the airport. 

You have no plan. No idea what to do once you reach Brussels. Hell, you don’t even know where Wufei lives. When you had left he had still been crashing at Heero’s place, and you don’t have the address of the apartment he moved into after you had moved. There’s one place for you to go, even though you dread going there.

You stare up at the building looming over you. It’s almost ominous, you think. It’s such a far cry from your cheerful house with its colorful garden. Just steel, and glass, sleekly towering over the city. It’s strange. You have worked here for years, build a career here, but as you stare up at Preventer Headquarters you feel nothing. No longing, no regrets about leaving. Only nerves at the prospect of facing Wufei. With a sigh, you drag your suitcase up the steps and enter the lobby. 

The receptionist at the front desk is new and gazes at you with calculation as you approach.

“I’m here to see Agent Chang. Is he in?” you ask her as you halt in front of the desk.

The receptionist gives you a cool look. “He is in. Do you have an appointment?”

“No. But I need to speak with him.”

“I’m sorry,” she shakes her head. “Agent Chang never receives random visitors without an appointment.”

You sigh. “Look… I’m a former Preventer Agent. I need to speak with him.”

The receptionist opens her mouth to protest, but is interrupted by the appearance of an agent coming from the elevator. “-Y/N-?”

You jolt and turn around at the unexpected voice behind you, a smile forming on your face despite the nerves in your stomach. “Duo!”

He grins at you and holds out his arms. “Long time no see, Babe!”

You jump into his arms and embrace him. “It’s good to see you!”

“Good to see you too!” He beams at you. “What brings you here?”

“I’m here to see Wufei. I don’t know his address, so this seemed like a good place to look first.”

“Aah…” He gives you a conspiring look. “I was already wondering why he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink.”

You swallow thickly and your expression turns solemn. “Things didn’t end so well.”

“I see.” He slings his arm around your shoulders and gives the receptionist a saucy wink. “I’ll take it from here, Jenny.”

“She was refusing me entrance,” you grumble to Duo as you step into the elevator. “I was about to pull the former Preventer card.”

He grins. “You’ll have to excuse her. She’s new.”

“I figured.”

“You’ll find Wufei in his office,” Duo tells you as he steers you out of the elevator. “Once you’re done with him I’ll be buying you coffee so we can catch up.”

“Sure.” You kiss his cheek before setting course down the hallway. 

The environment is familiar, and it’s almost strange to walk through it. The sounds of phones ringing, typing, and voices come flowing out of the open office doors as you pass them. There are many familiar faces, but also new ones. Young, fresh agents, eager to please their superiors.

As you approach Wufei’s office, you wonder what to expect. The nerves are back full force, but you’ll face whatever he throws at you. You’ll have to tell him… 

The door to his office is open, and you stop dead in your tracks when you see Sally coming out. She doesn’t notice you as she sets course for her own office, further down the hall. Seeing her is a sudden reminder that what happened a year ago tore up her relationship with Wufei. If you come back… Would she be okay with that? You swallow thickly and take a step back, suddenly unsure. 

Just as you are about to retreat, Wufei comes walking out of his office. He halts in the doorway and squeezes his eyes shut, bringing up a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. The sight of him leaves you rooted on the spot once more. Time seems to slow down as you take in the way he looks, tired and pale beneath the tan the hours spend outside have given him. Your heart lurches in your chest and you can feel it pounding in your head as you gaze at him. 

He notices you when he opens his eyes and he freezes instantly. The shock in his gaze is clear as he stares at you. And you just stare back, not knowing what to do or say. There is so much pain lodged in your body, but also so much love. It forms a confusing ball in your stomach and makes your legs feel like jelly. 

“-Y/N-,” he murmurs finally. “What are you doing here?”

You take a deep breath and cautiously approach him. “I need to talk to you.”

Wordlessly, he steps back into his office and mentions you to follow him. You do so and put your suitcase down by the door, waiting with feigned patience as he closes the door behind you. He is silent, waiting for you to speak.

You take a deep breath. “Nobody walks away from me like that.”

“You are not willing to give up the island for me, so why should I have stayed?” he questions.

“I never said I wasn’t willing.” You turn around to look at him, pleading for understanding with your eyes. 

“And so you have come all the way here… for what?” He is trying to be cool and distant, but you can see the flash of hurt in his eyes. 

You sigh and reach for your purse, pulling out your sketchbook. He is being defensive and you need to break through that wall he has pulled up. You’ll try a different approach. You hold out the sketchbook to him and feel hope flutter when he reaches out and takes it. He leafs through it, until he reaches the first drawing you have made of him. 

“What is this?” he asks with clear bewilderment. 

“Whenever I feel strongly about something I have to create an image of it,” you tell him. “Already, on the second day of your stay with me I painted you. I did it on impulse, but when I was done I knew I had poured my heart out on the canvas.”

He is staring at you, still a little shocked, but also in wonder. You give him a small smile and step closer, encouraged by the way he is looking at you. 

“I should have showed you this before. I should have told you how I felt from the beginning. I did a lot of things wrong yesterday, thinking that I wasn’t ready to leave…” You fall silent and shake your head. “I got a good wakeup call and realized that I no longer need the island.”

You reach up and cup his cheek, and tears form in your eyes when he doesn’t pull away. 

“What I need is you,” you whisper. “And I hope you can accept me. I love you, Wufei.”

The sketchbook tumbles from his hands and lands on the carpet. The next moment he reaches for you and crushes you against him. You wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face in his shoulder as the tears escape your control.

“I’m sorry,” you sob. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Sssh…” He presses his face into your hair and breathes in deeply. “I’m sorry too.”

“I should have seen that you were asking me to give you a reason.” You clutch at him, almost afraid that you’re dreaming and that he might disappear any moment. 

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “It’s not all your fault. I should have… I should have told you how I felt too.”

You look up at him and he gives you a small smile as he reaches up to wipe your tears away. “I should have told you that I had come to the island with every intention of winning you over.” 

You smile back at him. “Really?”

“And the truth is…” he says quietly, “that I love you.”

With a sob, you yank him closer and press your mouth against his. He is quick to take over and you sigh as you sag against him. This… Oh, this again. The wave of passion is almost violent and you have to bury both your hands in his hair in search of some sort of anchor as it sweeps you under. In your chest, your heart bursts with joy. He is yours, and as long as he is with you, you can face anything. Even coming back to Brussels. 

You pull back from the kiss with a gasp. When you open your eyes you find yourself pressed up against his desk, having no memory of him turning you towards it. He is gazing at you, his breath ragged, eyes near black with desire. You rest your forehead against his and smile.

“Well,” you manage breathlessly. “There is that too.”

He chuckles and reaches up to caress your cheek. 

“You’ve awakened this side of me again and it makes me feel so free,” you tell him as your hand comes up to clasp his, keeping it pressed against your cheek. “How could I ever let that go? I’ll be okay anywhere, as long as you are with me.”

He smiles and presses a gentle kiss against your lip. “So… You’ll come back?”

“Yes…” you whisper. “As long as we can take trips to the island so I can paint there…”

He grins and nods. “That’s a concession I’m definitely willing to make.”

“Good.” You grin back at him. 

You twine your arms around his neck and sigh contently. He tucks your head under his chin and kisses the top of your head. The way he relaxes against you tells you that you have made the right choice. He needs you too. It makes you feel warm all over to know that he loves you. 

Behind you the door suddenly bursts open. 

“Hey Wufei! You’ll never guess- Oh.” It’s Sally. 

You gaze at her over Wufei’s shoulder. She is quick to regain her composure and grins at both of you. 

“Well,” she says smugly. “Isn’t it about time?”

Wufei narrows his eyes at her. “Get lost, Sally.”

Sally winks at you as she retreats from the office. “Reign in your man, -Y/N-.”

The giggle that escapes you sounds slightly awkward. Wufei just shakes his head and steps back from you. “She’ll always be a pain in the ass.”

“Do you think she is really okay with it?” you ask him. You uncertainty is clear in your voice. 

He nods and gives you a reassuring look. “She is. Just now she was yelling at me for being and idiot and walking away from you.”

“Aah…” Relieved that Sally is on your side, you reach out and make a grab for his tie, pulling him closer. “I guess that settles it then. What time do you get off from work?”

“Five. I’ll give you the key to my apartment.”

“No need,” you tell him with a grin as you lean in to nibble on his jawline. “Duo’s buying me coffee, and I’m pretty sure that Relena needs me to bother her too. I can be back here around five.”

He sounds distracted when he speaks and you smirk in victory. “Alright.”

You press a kiss against his lips before stepping around him. You retrieve your sketchbook from the floor and put it back in your purse before heading for the door. You look over your shoulder at him as you open the door and direct a warm smile at him. He looks happy, you notice, and you’re glad that you are the cause of that happiness. 

He smiles back at you. “Go.”

“Alright, alright.” You chuckle and step out of his office, leaving the door open as you go.

As you walk down the hallway, your wrap your arms around you with a giddiness you haven’t experienced in years. It still amazes you how much Wufei can make you feel. And you’re glad that it’s him. He has showed you so much, healed you, protected you. You couldn’t ask for more. Your happiness is so apparent that it makes Duo tease you mercilessly when he sees you.

You find you don’t mind all that much. Not even when his questioning turns inappropriate.

“Hey, Duo,” you say with a grin as you wrap your arm around his waist.

“What’s it Babe?”

“It’s good to be back.”

** The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this story! It was a hell of a rollercoaster to write it.  
Please let me know what you think of it!


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